Opinion: Feeling Unloveable?

Libby Shively McAvoy
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Do you feel unloveable?

You may have had a couple of relationships where you were not treated as well as you deserved to be. Did you feel loved and appreciated growing up? Maybe you made some big mistakes and feel shame. 

Okay, spoiler alert, you are, in fact, inherently lovable. What makes a person lovable? Actually, you were born loveable. And on top of that, your natural state is that of joy. The world has a way of hardening us, it is our natural shield of protection, but it is not who you are.

Some people are more charismatic, charming, and outgoing, which may, on the surface, create the illusion that they are more loveable.

Doubting whether you are worthy of love may stem from childhood trauma. You may not have had a healthy relationship with your parent or caregiver. Not having a secure attachment with our parents is confusing because, as a child, they are supposed to protect us and make us feel safe. Still, when an alcoholic or abusive person raises you, you adopt people-pleasing skills for any morsel of approval.

You may have had a good childhood but had a partner cheat on you. Having a partner cheat is devastating and leaves you feeling unworthy of love and acceptance. You feel like you were not good enough.

No matter how badly you have been hurt, rejected, or abandoned, you are worthy of love, and you are loveable.

More important than asking yourself if you are loveable is whether you are open to being loved. Sometimes after hurtful experiences, we put walls up, and no matter how hard anyone tries, we can’t let them in.

How people treat you is on them, but what you tolerate is up to you. Learn to recognize signs that a partner may be cheating, learn what verbal and psychological abuse looks like, and respect yourself enough to walk away from those situations. No matter how much you want to be loved, staying in an abusive relationship is never good.

Do you love and accept yourself?

Take a minute and write down all of your best qualities. Now, write down all the reasons why someone should love you.

Manifesting a Healthy Relationship

To manifest a healthy relationship where you can experience being loved, you must first know you are worthy of love. Saying positive affirmations helps to rewire our subconscious mind so that we stop self-sabotaging.

Positive affirmations:

  • I am worthy of love
  • I am a great person who deserves to be appreciated
  • I welcome positive energy into my life

Once you believe you are worthy of love and love yourself, you can move into the second phase of manifesting. You need to visualize in great detail a person loving you and how you want to be loved. Write your vision down. Revisit that vision each day and see it so clearly as if it has already happened. Finally, align your actions with what it is you desire.

We attract similar energy to what we put out. If you are exuding negative energy and feeling unattractive and hopeless, you are not likely to attract the person you envision loving you.

When you are ready to date and fall in love, set boundaries to protect your emotional state. Anyone who does not respect your boundaries does not respect you.

People may make you feel unloveable; they may just be mean and not feel worthy of love themselves. A narcissist will build you up and then darn near destroy you. Do not be desperate for love. Understand your value and self-worth. Remember, being loved is your birthright.

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Libby is a Personal Development and Relationship coach specializing in emotional intelligence. By blending motivational speaking, leading yoga and wellness retreats, and writing, she has mastered the art of living her best life while helping others.

Cincinnati, OH

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