Single Life is Sweet
Are you celebrating with a significant other or practicing self-love this Valentine’s Day? Cupid can cause a lot of pressure on people. Any holiday actually adds to the stress of being single or committed. But there is something about the “L-word” that drives people crazy.
In my twenty-one years of marriage, I never got to celebrate Valentine’s Day because my ex-husband’s birthday is February 13th. So, it was all about him. I was okay with that for the most part, but a simple card or a flower would have felt like a recognition of my importance to him.
So does Valentine’s Day deserve to be celebrated, or is it a Hallmark Holiday? Well, its history is complicated, just like most relationships. There is some controversy over how it got its name and its evolution. But, albeit single, I still love this holiday.
Growing up, grade school teachers made it a fun day at school. I remember cutting a hole in the top of a shoe box and decorating it creatively each year. Classmates would each drop Valentine’s cards in the box. If you were lucky, a sticker or piece of candy was attached. It was lighthearted and a fun way to show appreciation for each other.
And then we grow up…
Alone or Lonely
Being by ourselves is a physical state, whereas being lonely is an emotional state. As humans, we have an innate need to feel connected and a part of something bigger. Unfortunately, the fear of being alone causes many to remain in toxic relationships.
For many years my biggest fear was being alone or the fear of abandonment. However, after a few failed relationships and a lot of heartbreak, I have decided being single is pretty nice. I have learned the difference between being alone and being lonely.
Sometimes I feel completely lonely, and yet people surround me. They are just in their world, on their phones or surfing social media. To me, that is the saddest feeling. It is awful to feel invisible.
Then there is alone time. Solitude is incredibly peaceful. I can write, listen to the music I enjoy, read, and watch the movies I like without being made fun of. I no longer fear being alone, and I prefer it.
Perks to Single Life:
- Everything is where it belongs
- I am financially responsible
- Flexible schedule
- Better sleep
- Improved work performance
- Less complicated decisions
- No one to drain my energy
- Less drama
- Opportunity to develop healthy habits
Everything Where It Belongs
I recently dated someone who talked a lot about how his tools need to be well organized, and it drove him crazy when people did not put things where they belonged. After being together for ten months, I realized his actions and words were not aligned. He often left tools wherever he repaired something in the house. He even refused to put my lighter back in the drawer I kept it after igniting a fire.
I quickly realized two things. I am far more organized by myself. And what people say only matters if it is reinforced by action.
Over time, resentment builds. If someone respects me, my house, and my boundaries, they will satisfy, but that has not been the case.
I was one person where my recent ex had two children living with him. I made dinner most nights and lunch and dinner on the weekends. This costs a lot of money in groceries. I figured it all evened out because he paid when we went out. Now that I am single, I can stretch a meal much farther and better control my budget. I use less water and electricity and less gas in my car.
I do not have to check other people’s calendars. If I want to travel, I can. If I need to work long hours, I can. If I want to go hiking in the middle of the day, I no longer have to explain myself. I can go to bed at five PM, eat dinner, and fall asleep watching a movie. I love the flexibility of single life. Besides, I am not sitting home alone every night. The opportunities dating brings are pretty sweet-free dinners and new experiences.
I have had bad luck with dating men with good sleep habits. It was very disruptive if they watched TV falling asleep at night or slept on the couch.
I change my sheets every other night and make my bed daily. I have slept so much better. I no longer have to worry about where he is, why he did not text before bed or feel insulted he didn’t stay at my place. I am no longer disappointed I did not receive a good morning text.
Improved Work Performance
I can work free from distractions like phone calls and texts. I can work when and where I want. I feel much more inspired now that his indecisiveness and negativity do not weigh me down. I set my goals and stick to them, and I am not as tempted to take days off.
Less Complicated Decision Making
I can watch the movies I want. I can get carry-out or go to dinner where I want. We do not have to align our schedules with traveling. I do not have to worry about kids at home and the responsibility that entails (my children are grown). Life is just simple now.
I want to be in a healthy, happy relationship eventually, but I will not settle for less than I deserve. I want someone who respects my boundaries and whose words and actions align. I want someone loyal, who cherishes me and prioritizes me. I want someone who appreciates the efforts I give.
Now that I am financially stable and not afraid to be alone, I can take my time. I know what I am looking for, and I have done the work on myself, so I am ready when Mr. Right comes along.
Have you ever dated a man who said he didn’t like drama but was incredibly dramatic? Have you dated someone who just loved to vent and didn’t let you get a word in? That negative energy is soul-sucking. It completely drained me. I no longer have to walk on eggshells.
I have never liked drama. Some people say that, but I mean it. I enjoy deep, meaningful conversations and avoid gossip like the plague.
Being single makes me want to look and feel my best. I am back to working out more and eating smaller portions. I sleep better, drink more water and less wine, and get outside daily.
If you are single this Valentine’s Day, consider calling it Galentine’s and celebrating with girlfriends or family. Or celebrate your self-love. Treat yourself to a good dinner or possibly a massage or spa treatment. My daughter, who also enjoys being single, has a photo shoot with her dog each year, which is another way to enjoy and create lasting memories.
Our thoughts determine our outcomes. Stay focused on the things you love and are grateful for. Life is what we make it, and you have the power to make it amazing. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect.
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