Woman reveals the worst part of being married to her first boyfriend

Libby-Jane Charleston


'I'm 41 and I've never had my own bank account or anything in my name.' (Unsplash)

Maggie* has been with her husband Jon* since she was 16 and he was 18 and, while she claims to love him, she says there are many disadvantages to having been with your partner since your teenage years.

"There are many good things about growing up together. I feel like we were such babies when we met, and yet we thought we knew everything! Looking back, I realize we were just young and happy in our ignorance about almost everything in life. It's great that we know each other very well and we love each other very much, of that I am sure. He's a loving man to me and to our three kids.," Maggie explains.

"However, there is a downside - sometimes I feel he still treats me as though I am the teenage girl he met all those years ago. He is great at taking care of me, but he is very over-protective and I feel like I'm nowhere near as independent as my friends are."


'One of my friends says this is "financial abuse", but I don't feel like it is.' (Getty)

The biggest issue for Maggie is that she claims she's never had any money of her own.

"It is always 'our money.' I understand that's the norm in many partnerships, but we were married when I was 18 and now I'm 41 and I've never had my own bank account or anything in my name," Maggie says.

"If I want to buy something, I have to ask for Jon's permission. Don't get me wrong, he's not being controlling, he's just very sensible and he usually lets me buy whatever I want. But my point is, I would prefer I didn't have to ask. I would love to just make a spontaneous purchase where it meant I didn't have to ask Jon if it was okay if I bought something for myself, the house or for the kids."

"One of my friends says this is 'financial abuse', but I don't feel like it is. Is it controlling? In a way it is, but I've never stood up to him, or told him I want to have my own bank account. It's not as though I don't earn good money myself."

"I realise it's a "first world problem", but there are times I'll be at the mall and I might see a pair of shoes I'd love. I'd like to be able to make a decision about them myself – do I need them? Can we afford it? And then, if I decided it was okay for me to have the shoes, being able to just buy them."

Maggie believes her husband treats her as though she is still the teenager he fell in love with all those years ago, and hasn't allowed her to grow up and be independent.

"He is over protective, and I do believe it's time I was allowed to have a separate bank account from him. Just so I can put enough money in there that I don't have to disclose to him every single thing I buy. It can be quite humiliating, especially when he tells me 'No, you can't buy that' in front of our daughters."

"I don't want the girls to think that it is normal behavior for a man to tell his wife what she can and can't buy. It's 2021, it's not 1950."

"He also objects to me doing anything socially without him. If I tell him I want to go out with my girlfriends, he suggests that they invite their partners so he can join in as well. I often joke 'Are you scared I'm going to be mugged or something? Or that another man is suddenly going to swoop me up?' I try to make light of it but it really annoys me that he can't let me do anything without him."

"I've recently started a new work-from-home job that I'm really happy with. It's work I love to do and I'm earning pretty good money. I think now is the perfect time to remind Jon I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm a working mum and he can trust me with money. I just think I deserve a lot more independence and he needs to let go of some of his control."

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I'm a journalist and author writing across a wide range of topics, including tech, travel, history, business/startups, relationships, beauty & fashion, British royal history, & local stories concerning Charleston, S.C (where I have a long family history on my father's side: hence my surname! ) Former HuffPost Assoc Ed, ABC TV, ATV Beijing correspondent and many more. Author of "Fatal Females." Mother of three boys: I will love them until the Statue of Liberty sits down.


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