Jennifer was thrilled to be moving in with her “brilliant” boyfriend – but when the removalists arrived, they brought shocking news.
Ghosting is a by-product of the lack of emotional intelligence and a desire to avoid emotional confrontation. Picture: iStock Source:istock
When 36-year-old Jennifer fell in love with her partner Thomas, she felt like he was the one she’d been waiting for.
After years on the rollercoaster of online dating, she was thrilled when she met him and realized they had so much in common; from both coming from large families to a love of soccer, video gaming and ballroom dancing.
Their relationship progressed “brilliantly” and, according to Jennifer, they were not only lovers but best friends.
“It sounds like a cliche but he was really fantastic,” Jennifer said. “We were great together. My friends referred to us as ‘a golden couple’ and ‘couple goals’.
“That’s how good we were. We celebrated six months together and there were no problems that I knew about.
“There weren’t any red flags, no warning bells. I never met his family because they lived interstate. But Thomas had said many times that he wanted to take me to meet his family. He told me he loved me and he suggested we move in together.”
The couple found a one-bedroom apartment near the beach and Jennifer says they were looking forward to moving in. Both of their names were on the lease.
But, on moving day – only Jennifer’s removal truck turned up.
“To say I was devastated would be a major understatement,” she said. “I still haven’t had an explanation because he’s not talking to me. He totally ghosted me. I still haven’t gotten over it and I doubt I ever will.”
"He blocked my phone number, he blocked my email, he blocked me on all social media. I never heard from him again. I've heard through a mutual friend that he wanted to end things with me, but he didn't know how to. He is nothing but a coward. I don't think I will ever trust another man again."
Louanne Ward has been a professional matchmaker for more than 20 years and when it comes to ghosting, she claims to have “seen it all”.
“Ghosting is causing so many self-esteem and mental wellness issues,” Ms Ward said. “For the ghosted, the rejection plays heavily on their self-worth. It is very soul-destroying when someone simply disappears without an explanation, especially if you had raised expectations with this person.
“When it happens over and over, the build-up causes emotional triggers of rejection which end up impacting the whole dating experience in a negative way.
Matchmaker Louanne Ward. Picture: supplied
“Ghosting is a by-product of the lack of emotional intelligence and a desire to avoid emotional confrontation. When you don’t know what to say it’s easier to say nothing, as they want to avoid the drama of the respondent lashing back at you or knowing you hurt someone’s feelings.”
Ghosting in the dating world is not gender-related; Ms Ward believes women ghost as much as men do.
“Women may b**ch about ghosting more or be more emotionally affected by it but they are equally guilty and responsible. In many ways, I think women ghost more than men,” she said.
“Sometimes ghosting someone is the kindest thing you can do for yourself if they won’t take ‘No’ for an answer or is becoming abusive or is projecting emotional instability. On the whole, though I think ghosting is gutless and stunts emotional growth for both the ghoster and ghosted.
“However, if someone has been ghosted, the hard fact is the ghost isn’t interested in what you have to offer.”
Ms. Ward believes ghosting is far too common - not only in the dating world but in every aspect of life.
"I would say 100 percent of people are guilty ghosts. They might not have done it dating. I'm calling BS on that for anyone who is or has dated in the past five years, but ghosting has been going on forever."
"When it comes to relationships, the sting of rejection is hard enough but the rejection on top of feeling so disrespected that you don’t even deserve a reason is more destructive on a long-term basis than just about any other relationship challenge."