What to Expect When Dating a Musician

L.A. Strucke

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Dating a musician is not for the faint of heart. Musicians are often charismatic, good-looking people, with talent. It can be a dangerous combination, especially if you're an insecure person.

There will always be admirers

Musicians play at events with adoring fans. Some of the fans border on obsessive. Many will be young and beautiful. They will follow a musician from place to place and do everything in their power to become his next love interest.

This doesn’t only happen with famous musicians, it happens with ordinary local groups too. They will always have a loyal fan base wherever they go.

It takes a lot of trust between you to make this relationship work. You need to be confident and secure in yourself and your partner’s devotion to you. If you are jealous and insecure, there's going to be a lot of drama.

Your options will be to go to every gig to remind them who they're with, or stay home alone stressed that they’ll be unfaithful. A better option - know your worth and don't stress about it.

The songs they write may not be about you

You are excited because your musician just wrote a beautiful love song. It’s the most beautiful song you ever heard. And when you find out the love song they wrote wasn’t about you, it's going to hurt a lot.

If you are one of the fortunate ones who's dating a musician who only has eyes for you, then that won't be a problem.

But if your musician loves the attention, and loves the fans a little too much, it won’t be pleasant.

You can either follow them from gig to gig and watch their every move like Sherlock Holmes, or stay home alone and be stressed all the time worrying they’ll be unfaithful.

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They won't always be there when you need them

Once you move in together, expect them to be away a lot.

if you are the type that likes to have dinner every night with them at the same time, you won't be happy.

Musicians have rehearsals and gigs that often conflict with dinner. They will often play gigs on weekends. That means your perfect relationship scenario isn’t going to work. You’ll have to adjust.

Successful touring musicians often miss important family events. And if family occasions mean a lot to you, you’re going to be disappointed a lot.

You’ll be sitting home with your two-year-old blowing the birthday candles out without your partner. Your partner may be so busy they forget to call. You’ll be the one sitting there wiping your child’s tears.

You’ll be the person alone at a wedding reception or a family funeral because your partner has an important gig.

it's not easy for them either. If they get sick during a tour you won’t be there to care for them. They’ll get frustrated and will call you at strange hours because they’re in a different time zone.

During the pandemic, things are better for musicians’ families since many of them aren’t touring and away. Yet to pay bills, many put their music on the internet, taking up a lot of their time. Fortunately, they can now take a break from it and celebrate a family party with you.

Yet be aware that a songwriter will resent you if you interrupt them in the middle of composing a song or disturb them during their band’s recording session.

Often they won’t be snuggling on the couch with you. You’ll find them in front of the computer, playing a midi controller keyboard with their headphones on. Most nights you'll be alone on that couch by yourself.

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It's not a hobby for them

You dare to believe their music is a hobby. End that delusion now. Even if they can only play three chords and sing flat, they think they’re the next Springsteen. Even if they’ve never earned a penny playing music anywhere, they believe they're going to be famous.

Music is not a hobby for them, it’s the reason they wake up in the morning - the reason they’re breathing. It’s their life purpose, and loved ones should be their greatest supporter in life. There will be many low moments for them when they didn’t get that recording contract, or if no one booked them to perform, which is now the new normal during the pandemic.

If you’re in love with a musician, life could be amazing for both of you, if you believe in their talent. If you don’t mind them being the center of attention, things will go well. If you are a musician too, it may be magic, unless you compete with them.

Your time alone together will be limited

Unless you're a musician yourself, there won't be many moments alone together. Often their musical group is like their second family.

If they’re writing songs, their songwriting buddy will see them more than you will.

Times together will be rare, yet special. You’ll feel like their bandmates know them better than you do.

Sometimes you'll feel like you’re single, being alone so much. Both of you will get lonely for each other, and it won’t be easy.

There is an exception. If you are the independent type, you might actually like having space. At least it will never be boring.

Moving forward

It's hard to resist a musician. Take it date by date and see if it can work out. Who knows? Love will find a way.

It could work very well if you are confident and secure and not the jealous type. It helps if you can handle separation and don’t need to be joined at the hip with your love.

Together you can make beautiful music.

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