6 Signs You're With a Narcissist

L.A. Strucke

For your own sake, walk away.


Photo by Gregory Hayes on Unsplash

Think you’re in a relationship with a narcissist? Many people feel that way. Numerous people have narcissistic traits, but true narcissists only make up .5 percent — a small percentage of the population. And 75% of them are men.

Here are 6 signs that you’ve entered the heart-wrenching world of a narcissist.

1. Sorry. They don’t love you. They only love themselves.

Everything they do is to benefit number one - themselves. You are just the means to an end. If they need you for something, they’ll ring up your phone. If not, you won’t hear from them for days. They won’t care about your feelings of disappointment. They’ll expect you to deal with it.

They love to talk about themselves. They will only pretend to be interested in your life to keep you on a string as their option. After all, they may need you for something in the future.

2. You’ll always be one of many.

They always have admirers around them, and when you’re not giving them enough compliments, they’ll replace you with someone else. They love the attention, from you and others, often at the same time. You may end up in a love triangle where the narcissist is the desired one. If you get upset with this behavior and leave, you will immediately be replaced. Sorry.

People are interchangeable to narcissists. They won’t miss you very much unless the new person leaves them. Then they will hoover you and come back to you – their source of narcissistic supply .

3. They are charismatic and self-important.

Narcissists think they are special, smarter, and more gifted than you will ever be. They surround themselves with people to feed their egos. Yet they feel these people are less important than they are, and will convince you that you’re lucky to be in their circle. They like to make friends with people of higher status, just to validate how special they are.

When you first meet, you’ll think you met the love of your life. They’ll make you feel like your connection with them is special while they turn on the charm.

But soon, you will realize it was all fake. They will start being critical with you and mean. You’ll hear passive-aggressive comments that will scrape at your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re not good enough to be with them. They’ll say you need to go to the gym, you’re letting yourself go. Your looks aren’t as attractive as someone else in their life. It will boost their ego to put you down.

4. Empathy is missing.

They only care about themselves. If they’re hurting, they expect you to drop everything in your life to help them. You’ll find yourself bringing them homemade soup when they’re sick and putting cold cloths on their head when they have a fever.

If you’re hurting, they’ll be nowhere to be found. If you are in pain, physically or emotionally, they honestly don’t care. Some may pretend to care but they truly don’t. Don’t fall for it.

5. They’re controlling and manipulative.

Narcissists are control freaks and experts at manipulating people. They are often drawn to codependents, caring, and empathetic people who love and want to help them. They’ll manipulate their partner into doing what they want. Their partner will feel guilty if they don’t drop everything in their life and help whenever the narcissist needs them. They’ll exploit people. People in their lives are merely pawns they move on their chessboard.

They’ll manipulate friends to serve every need they have. Friends will help them with their chores, run errands, cook for them, and get them free tickets.

6. They’ll go from warm to cold in a minute.

If you don’t give them enough attention, they’ll fall into a narcissistic rage, and become abusive and cold.

At the beginning of your romance, they’ll love bomb you, to the point that you can’t believe how lucky you are. Yet, after they hook you, they’ll start devaluing you by pointing out all your flaws.

You see, they’ve already met your replacement.

They’ll gaslight you, and you’ll doubt your own memory of events. This insane treatment will have you questioning your own sanity. The longer you stay with them, the more damage will be done to your self-worth.

Narcissists are jealous of other people. This is the person who won’t be happy for you when you get a promotion. They’ll criticize successful people because, in their minds, it should have been them.

They’re deeply insecure and secretly hate themselves. They wear a mask over their true selves to hide their own flaws. To get found out as less than perfect or be embarrassed is their worst fear. Anyone who starts getting closer to the truth about them will be devalued. No one must find out who they really are.

How Narcissists Evolve.

What causes a child to grow up to become a narcissist? They often come from dysfunctional homes where they received mixed messages from their parents growing up. One of their parents was often a narcissist themselves and the other was always trying to please them. Their parent was domineering, critical, and disapproving of the children.

There’s often a golden child who did no wrong and another child in the family was the parent’s scapegoat. Some parents took turns favoring and scapegoating the children, pitting the children against each other growing up. Often the children were ignored unless they were high achievers.

The family always had to hide their secrets and look perfect to their neighbors.

How you can avoid being sucked into this madness.

Look for the 6 signs above that you’re with a narcissist. If you find yourself involved with one, you’ll be the loneliest person in the world. You’ll be in a relationship where your own needs are never met. You won’t feel listened to or supported. You may even lose yourself, from constantly catering to them. They won’t care when you’re suffering.

Some people marry narcissists and feel lonely in a loveless marriage. It won’t be an easy road.

Narcissistic abuse affects millions of people in the world. It is psychological and emotional abuse and leaves lasting emotional scars. If you stay with a narcissist, you could easily lose your self-respect and sense of self-worth.

If you find yourself involved with a narcissist, for your own sake, walk away.


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Writing about relationships, family, and self-improvement. Striving to inspire people and create hope for a better future.


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