Don’t waste your time with the wrong person.
Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
You've met someone special. You can’t believe how lucky you are to be dating someone you have so much chemistry with. You feel alive when you’re with them. Yet deep inside, you know something is wrong. Chemistry is important in a relationship, but that's not all there is in one.
Here are 6 signs that show they’re the wrong one for you.
You don’t understand each other.
He’s into astronomy, space exploration, and Star Trek. She yawns when he talks about space launches. The only star she wants to see is Billie Eilish. He dismisses her interests and tries to get her to change.
She carries a Louis Vuitton bag, lives in a mansion, and grew up in Beverly Hills. The only hills he saw growing up were near his family farm. He is content living in a small town where he was raised and likes his small apartment.
A relationship like this can work if you think your partner’s differences are fascinating and will try to understand and support each other. Sometimes two people with opposite personalities can discover some new interests together and grow together.
Yet, if one or both of you disrespects your partner with the life choices they’re making, that’s a red flag.
You differ in politics and religion.
When you get two people that have different morals, political views, and religions, it can cause issues between you.
A person who is so honest they return wallets and feels guilty if they tell a lie is going to be uncomfortable with someone who thinks it's okay to cheat and steal.
If one of you gives to the homeless and invites them to a meal, and the other thinks all homeless people are drug addicts, you will often find yourself in an argument.
If one of you is conservative and the other one is liberal, you will find yourself disagreeing with your partner a lot. If neither of you cares about politics, then a relationship could work. But if you are both equally passionate about your political parties, you will often clash.
If one of you believes in equality between the sexes, and the other has traditional beliefs, you will spend hours arguing about who’s right and who’s wrong.
If one is religious and spends every Sunday at worship services, and can’t eat without saying grace first, they're going to be frustrated with a partner who thinks religion is a joke.
People so fundamentally different are like oil and water together. Even if they are madly in love with each other, there will be conflict. If you see disturbing patterns like this in your own relationship, it’s not auspicious for a long-term union.
You don’t make each other’s lives better.
Partners should enrich each other lives, and do great things together. If that's not happening, it will be difficult for both of you.
In your relationship, spending time together doesn’t make things better, it makes them worse. In a perfect world, one of you would be great with money. But you're not. You are both bad with it, and now a small problem has turned into something huge.
If both of you live in a constant state of disorganization, your home life is going to be a disaster. If you were to move in together your home would be a mess and no one would keep it organized. You’d both spend your time complaining that the other one never cleans up. You'd be fighting about the chores.
If one of you had to give up your favorite pet because of an allergy or because they’re not an animal person, the other could resent them. It's difficult for the person who always owned pets that were part of the family. They used to find happiness from it, and now their partner has taken that joy away from them.
Since you’ve been together, your career goals vanished, your friends have disappeared, you’re fighting all the time. You can’t agree where to live, or where to have dinner. Neither of you wants to cook, but both of you want the other one to cook for you. It’s not a happy match.
It seems your personalities don’t complement each other. Staying with someone who has negative traits that will drag you down, will just make life worse.
Your partner is abusive.
Your partner has anger issues or a serious substance abuse problem. Now your once peaceful life is filled with stress. They treat you with disrespect in so many ways. They’ll flirt with others in front of you. They make you feel like you’re not good enough for them. They pick on you for small things. You never know if they’re going to be in an angry mood when you get home. You'll spend your days walking on eggshells with them all the time.
Anyone abusive does not deserve to have you in their lives. You deserve so much better.
You have different views on family life.
You can’t imagine life without a large family. It’s been your dream since childhood. Your partner thinks children are fine – for other people. They want a carefree life where they get to travel and don’t have to support any people for the next eighteen years. They think children are annoying.
Neither of you wants to compromise in this area and you’ve reached a huge roadblock in your relationship.
You shouldn’t join your life with someone so clearly incompatible or you will be unhappy - blaming and resenting your partner because you don’t have the family you wanted.
Don’t commit to them believing you can change their mind. Most people don’t change, and it's a huge price to pay to never have the family you’ve longed for.
They don't want to commit to you.
No matter how gorgeous or charming they are, if they just want a fun time, and spend their life being footloose and fancy-free, that’s your red flag. Some people just don’t like being tied down to one person. They love the single life. They don't want to answer to anyone and want to do what they want. It’s even worse – if they are still looking for the right one to commit to. They only consider you the person they’re seeing in the meantime. If you stay with someone like this, you'll only get hurt.
If you want a relationship that leads to marriage or an exclusive lifetime commitment, then you are clearly incompatible with this person. Don’t even try to persuade them to value monogamy. Most people don’t change their ways, and you could waste the best years of your life chasing after a love with them that never materializes. Walk away and allow the right person to meet you.
Don't let chemistry be your only thing in common.
If the person you are crushing on displays these 6 signs of incompatibility, stop and rethink your desire to date them. You deserve someone who truly values you, quirks and all, and treats you with love, respect, and caring. Don’t let chemistry lure you to the wrong person in life for you.
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