7 Reasons the Narcissist Chose You

L.A. Strucke

Your role is to be their unending supply of admiration


Photo by christian ferrer on Unsplash

Ever wonder why you seem to attract narcissists? It very well may be your dysfunctional childhood. If you were raised in a stressful environment and grew up codependent, you will be easy prey for a narcissist. Here are 7 reasons the Narcissist Chose You.

You put them on a pedestal.

When you met the narcissist, they charmed you off your feet. You think the narcissist is perfect, and they can do no wrong. They are gifted, talented, smart, witty – everything you believe you are not.

You put them high up on a pedestal, and can’t believe you are so fortunate as to have them in your lives. You adore them and they know it.

The narcissist loves this. They have a person that will admire them and give them constant attention. They will soak in your compliments like a man starving for water in a desert.

They are pleased to have a person who is their number one fan, not because they earned it, but just because they exist.

If you have a codependent personality, you will attract one-sided relationships. This makes you the ideal choice for the narcissist.

You believe in them, not yourself.

You believe the narcissist is so much better than you, and they can sense it. You put aside all your hopes and dreams to focus on theirs. You will be sitting in the front row at their concert, and sell their paintings to your friends. You will build them up constantly.

They’ll glow in your praise, and while you are putting all your energy into them, you will most certainly be ignoring all your own interests.

If you think the narcissist will care and come back and support your creative projects, good luck. It will never happen. They are only focused on themselves.

You will lose yourself in them, but they will definitely not lose themselves in you.

You are empathetic.

When your narcissist has had a bad day, you’re sympathetic and caring. You will remind them how special they are, and throw your entire being into helping solve their problems. They will rant for hours against someone and you will listen and try to calm them down. You are the most caring person in the world and they will take advantage of that.

You could be dying of a painful illness, and you’ll still be worrying about them. You are the perfect choice for a narcissist.

You put their needs ahead of yours.

You wanted to spend the day with your family, but the narcissist had a crisis. You had to drop everything and run over their place and help them out. Why would you do that? Because they are your priority, not you. You can be completely selfless and they love this about you. They don’t care that they ruined your family event, they just care that you took care of them.

You are always running over their place with containers of warm chicken soup when they’re not feeling well. You bring them their favorite food. You let them have the last chicken wing. You are always putting their needs ahead of yours.

Yet when you’re ill, all the narcissist has to say, is get well soon, and you feel cared for. You expect so little in life, and they take full advantage of it.

You put up with their abuse.

You will sit there and let your narcissist berate you, scold you and pick on you for the most ridiculous things.

When they’re screaming at you, you allow it and stay with them.

You will sit by brokenhearted as they flirt with others in front of you, or tell you how attractive they think someone else is. They’ll bring by other admirers just to let you know they have many options. They will break your heart over and over again, and you will allow it.

And if you get upset, make a scene, or cry, they’ll tell you you’re too sensitive. They will enjoy their power and control over you. They know your self-esteem is at an all-time low and you’ll take the abuse.

They know they could never get away with this kind of bad behavior with other people so they’ll keep you around. You are so convenient.

You are easily manipulated.

Narcissists have brought manipulation to an art form. They know just what to say to you to get to do whatever they want.

In fact, beware when they do nice things for you. Unlike normal people, they won’t do something nice out of the kindness of their hearts. There’s always a price you have to pay for some favor they did for you. Now you owe them.

One narcissist would volunteer his friend for tasks he didn’t want to do. She always helped him out because she loved him. On the one time she said no because she had an important event with old friends to go to, he guilted her about it and was angry because she was having fun, and he was stuck doing the task that he’d tried to get her to do.

She had invited him to this event but he said no. He didn’t care about her event and had no interest in accompanying her to something he didn’t want to go to. He moaned and groaned about how hard his life was, saying she ruined his day. That’s life with a narcissist - in a nutshell.

You are selfless and forgiving.

Narcissists are drawn to selfless and forgiving people. These are the ones who will put up with their narcissistic abuse. These are the people that will forgive them over and over again for the hurt they cause. If you are kind, and forgiving, and selfless in the relationship, they will keep you in their life. They like to know you will always be there, no matter how cruel and cold they are to you.

Looking Ahead.

If you stay with the narcissist, you will have an unfulfilling relationship where your needs are never met, and you’re treated like a doormat. This is no way for a person to live. You deserve a partner that values you and treats you with love and respect. And most of all - you need to love yourself first to attract a partner who will value you. Narcissists can sense you don't love yourself. That's why they chose you.

If you find yourself in a one-sided relationship like this – leave and never look back.

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Writing about relationships, family, and self-improvement. Striving to inspire people and create hope for a better future.


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