Six Signs They're Emotionally Unavailable to You

L.A. Strucke

How to save yourself from heartbreak.

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You’ve been dating someone. You're so excited and happy because it feels like the two of you are perfect for each other. You share the same interests and the same quirky sense of humor. Everything should be great. Yet something feels wrong. It feels like they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Here are 6 signs they’re emotionally unavailable.

1. They don’t want anything heavy – they'll keep things light.

They don’t want to see you that often – only once a week. They take you out and you have a great time. You're both laughing and joking a lot, but the second you try to have a serious conversation with them, they get uncomfortable.

If you want to have “the talk” with them, they avoid it like the plague. They say something like,

“Not now. We’ll talk about that another time,” and then abruptly change the subject.

Every time you start getting close with them, they pull away. They get busy and disappear for a while. This is their way of setting a boundary with the two of you. It will seem impossible to build intimacy with them.

2. They Avoid Deepening the Relationship.

Normal relationships progress., but yours won’t. They’re perfectly content to keep the status quo of once or twice a week. They won’t want to increase the amount of time they are with you, no matter how hard you try.

After a few months of dating, when you want to introduce them to your family - they give you excuses about why they can’t go.

They won’t be interested in seeing where you grew up, or to meet your closest friends. They are content with the way things are, and that’s it.

3. They’re Burdened With Problems

They are trying to juggle a demanding job while living in a difficult environment. They’re taking care of their widowed mother, and have never left their childhood home. They are so close to their Mom, they can’t even imagine giving preference to a partner.

They may have toxic family members or friends that they’re always rescuing. They are too busy putting out fires around them to focus on you.

They could be dealing with huge financial problems or tax issues and can't imagine a better life.

Or they just may be depressed, and don't have the energy for a relationship.

They make you feel like you’re adding to their burden, by telling you to stop pressuring them. They tell you that you're stressing them out for wanting to be with them.

4. They’re Not in a Place in Their Life to Commit.

They may be sowing their wild oats, and feel too young to be tied down with someone.

Others may be focusing on their career, or working towards a Ph.D., or building wealth. They won’t have time to nurture a budding relationship. They have to squeeze time with you in between classes, or a demanding job, and they’re resenting you for it.

They may not see themselves coupled with anyone until they get to a place in their life where they feel comfortable enough to bring someone into the mix.

And some of the more religious ones may be contemplating choosing a life of celibacy and never committing to a woman - ever.

If someone is telling you they aren't ready for a relationship, believe what they say. This situation might not last forever. They may just be in a difficult space at the moment. When they settle their lives, and the timing is right, they may decide to commit to someone.

Sadly. most people aren’t willing to wait for someday. After all, they could waste years of their lives waiting on something that will never happen.

5. They’ve never gotten over their Ex.

You’ll know they’ve never gotten over their ex when you hear them bring up their ex’s name often in a conversation.

If you like a certain food, they tell you their ex hated it.

If you mention a restaurant, they tell you it was a place the two of them used to like to go to.

Their ex is clearly on their mind - and there's no room for you.

They often compare you unfavorably to their ex. Their ex was a better cook or a better lover. You’ll start resenting that person a lot. It’s like their ex is right between you, putting a wedge into your relationship.

You find yourself being intensely jealous and insecure because they make you feel insecure. It’s hard to feel accepted as you are and loved in a relationship when you are constantly being compared to someone else.

Once in a while, your partner will get a sad look in their eyes, and your heart will sink knowing they’re thinking about them.

Even worse, they still may be in touch with their ex. They text them, talk to them frequently on the phone, and might even meet up with them.

You will realize that you will never be close to your partner because they're still in love with someone else.

6. They make awful comments about couples.

Every time they see married couples, they make strange comments. They refer to their friend’s wives as annoying because they’re "always making demands and ruining a guy’s night out." They refer to the spouse as a “ball and chain.”

They say married people are boring, and singles have more fun.

They can’t even imagine being stuck with one person for the rest of their life. It would be a fate worse than death to them. Instead of believing loving partners can enhance and make a person’s life better, they believe coupling up will only make things worse.

They like hanging out with their friends more than you.

They refer to marriage as a prison and believe everyone that commits will get divorced, so there’s no point in ever getting married.

They tell you that when people are in couples, they lose themselves in each other, and that’s not healthy. Their freedom will be way more important than love to them.

It will become painfully obvious to you that they have no desire to be in a relationship, with you, or anyone else, ever.

How to make it work.

If they not into you, or attracted, and these were just excuses for not getting closer, you need to stop wasting any more time with them. Life is too short for that.

If you know they’re into you and have told you they want you in their life for a romantic connection, then you may be able to make it work.

There are two options:

For option one:

Your partner will admit they have issues with intimacy and relationships and go get therapy for it, so they can be open to a deeper relationship. with you.

For option two if they are unwilling to change:

You leave and find someone more compatible with you. Eventually, you will find a person that doesn’t have all these issues and wants to be coupled up with someone.

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