Finding Yourself

Kendra Hall

At times we feel the pull to begin to restart are lives. We come to a pivotal point in our lives where we are faced with either death, debt, divorce and/or disaster. What was once a familiar life is no more. We are plunged into a totally new world. We may lose our good health or job. We may lose our home or our life partner. We lose our direction and our place in life. We have no choice but to start over. We must begin again because life demands us too. We are starting over from scratch and it feels overwhelming and unfamiliar.

When we begin life in this new and unfamiliar place. We have to start behind the starting line and now, it seems like we have more weight to carry. However the amount of weight, our muscles will grow to sustain our needs. We grow stronger, the more we must carry. We have a destiny to fulfill that carries us over any obstacle.

As a young girl I was determined to teach my younger brother how to ride a bike. I thought he would become the world’s greatest cyclist. I imagined watching him cycle across the television. I was determined to make him a star. My obstacles were I was only 9, my brother was only 2; and, my parents wouldn’t buy the toddler training bike I found on Amazon. Know that when a young lady is determined, magic is made! I was truly set on helping my brother learn to ride a bike. I was optimistic and positive in my thoughts, no matter the obstacles. While my brother never became a cyclist, keep my young mindset in your thoughts next time you are faced with a seemingly impossible fete. Stay positive and encouraged. Your positive mindset can get you through anything.

Remember the resilience of your “little self”. It is thrilling to be reacquainted with parts of you that you had previously forgotten. While you search your memories for personal, meaningful, and powerful nostalgia; know that you may pull up memories that are triggering. Trust yourself and know that you are not alone. Your true self lies within and is a loving spiritual companion, ready to help you untangle webs of memories. Smells, tastes, songs and places can bring about a strong nostalgic response. Be open to what you find inside. Your soul memories can bring closure to complicated life experiences.

Childhood pain is not happening right now. It is in the past. Each one of us carries childhood wounds. Some people’s cuts are deeper than others. It does not matter how deep your childhood wounds are, there were also amazing moments that kept you going, otherwise you wouldn’t be here to this day. While things happen throughout your whole lifetime, we put the memories that stick out in our minds in order of importance. We choose the memories that stick with us over the course of our lives. By sitting in quiet mediation and observation of our thoughts, we can excavate our real selves through our memories. By practicing continual introspection, we then lead back to our heart’s center.

Our past is not only comprised of actual events that happened, but also of events we feel “woulda, coulda, shoulda” happened. We peer into our memories throughout the course of our lives. We must accept that our retraced steps do not always begin in the beginning. While our past just asks us to remember, our ego tells us to alter the past for our best interest. Our memories can be unreliable. We may find ourselves tweaking certain parts of our memories in our favor. Other times, we remember in vivid detail every moment of a memory. However, most times we only receive fragmented memories. When we only receive pieces of memories, we must exert patience on our behalf. We are putting together a puzzle of the inner child we left behind. The past can feel so quiet until you open its doors. Once you hear its loud roar, lean in. It’s important to stay focused on how essential it is for you to know yourself. The past is also comprised of your future.

We all have what we need. Wanting is all that remains. Being grateful shows us how wonderful our lives are right now. Being grateful has changed my life for the better. Even so, it is okay to still long for more. We have wants and we have needs. We must distinguish the two. This requires us to live more positively and to fully step into our authentic selves. We need water to live or else we will die. Consuming water is a must. Having a want is a totally different thing. Wants bring entertainment and enjoyment into our lives. We can live without our wants and/or be patient and wait for them.

When we want something, it may not be a car, house, job, or anything materialist. We may want a spiritual hunger to be quenched. Sometimes we want something to fill an empty space deep within us. We may have everything going well for ourselves and still not feel whole. We feel like something is missing and that something feels crucial. We are constantly looking for our missing pieces through vices. The problem is, since we do not know what it is, we must hope we stumble across it. We then must recognize it when we find it and remember it. Take my friend Lynne for example. Our conversation turned into her asking me a question. Lynne said:

“My husband Corey is doing great and the kids are amazing. My job is going well, and I even received a raise last month. I can see me moving up in the company. I really should be happy. I’ve got great friends like you. Corey just bought another commercial property, and our finances are in the best shape they have ever been in. Please do not misunderstand me, I know I should be smiling telling you this. I’m sure you can hear in my voice something is off. I mean I am healthy and my dad is doing great. I just do not feel like myself. Why do I feel utterly empty inside?”

I told Lynne she was surely not alone in her feelings. No matter what you accomplish in life, there will still be “if’s, and’s, and but’s”. There is a constant murmur in our minds searching and asking us if something is missing. We ask ourselves if there is something that we are supposed to be doing but aren’t. Many people are in a constant state of angst.

No words can describe the fullness that I feel when I think of my life. I am so grateful for my wonderful life and all its ebbs and flows. I say aloud each day how I am living my dream life. This is my mindset that I continually work on each day. This mindset comes with doing the work required to find your authentic self. While we will feel empty at times, know you must take action to reconnect back to yourself. Come back to your source of nourishment and ensure you are spiritually fed. We must remain in gratitude and know trials and tribulations will come. We must adapt and endure. Blessings.

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My goal is to provide uplifting news and stories; creating relationships amongst people from all walks of life by giving useful advice and, providing insightful solutions to assist and inspire through life's ebbs and flows.

Princeton, NJ

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