The #1 Reason You Should Learn to Be Happy Without Depending on Someone Else

John M. Dabbs

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

Being alone with our thoughts is frightening for many. Learn to be happy and at peace with yourself.

You may have heard the adage, no one can love you until you learn to love yourself. It also brings to mind a scene from a sit-com where the main character was apart from his wife and staying alone (next door) for a few nights and his thoughts and imagination got the better of him. We often get uncomfortable in our "own skin".

Teens self-isolate in their rooms, shutting out everyone else -in the family- while they connect with all of their friends through social media, texting, and various means of modern communication. Should someone be shunned by their peers at this age it can, and is often, traumatizing. Cyber-bullying can cause many issues and result in isolation. People are generally very social animals that require interaction. It strengthens our sense of self-worth and identity.

The reasons for interacting with others and seeking their approval runs deep within our culture, but we cannot let others decide what does and doesn't make us happy. We enter relationships to fill a void. We need a sense of belonging.


Our relationships, both intimate and platonic, are good for our wellbeing. They bring us joy and allow us to do more than most of us could do alone. Most good relationships are symbiotic and benefit both persons. You can save costs through sharing, whether it be cohabitating, sharing groceries and meals, or a simple ride.

Relationships also have a cost to them. If you are not mere colleagues, you develop a love for the person. A loving relationship takes personal capital. You must invest in the relationship to allow it to grow and foster a sense of development, no matter the eventual conclusion or type of relationship you have.

A loving relationship requires the parties to invest in the time and effort of caring and showing some respect and deference toward one another. Otherwise, you are just pals.

The reason to be happy with only yourself

There are many reasons to cite, but the main reason to be happy with yourself, without reliance on someone else - You must be at peace with who you are. It is often difficult as we are prone to finding fault in ourselves. Whether it be our looks, the way we talk, our manners, mannerisms, or our social status. Nobody is truly happy until they learn to be at ease and comfortable with who they are.

Meditation is an exercise that allows us to be alone with our thoughts. Clearing our mind of all negative energy and focus our energy on being mindful and thinking about why we feel about things the way we do. The process can help you understand by actually thinking about why you think a certain way.

Millions of people think that other people bring them happiness every day. People may bring us joy, stress, sadness, and fear. Happiness is an inside job.

Once we learn to be comfortable with ourselves we can move on and be ready for a solid relationship, instead of leaning on others to make us happy. We must realize the happiness is how we feel when everything is going our way.

Finding Yourself

We hear of people taking off on a journey after college, or a bad relationship to "find themself". What they are really doing is learning how to be at peace without anyone else. It takes a certain amount of courage, especially if we've lived off the crutch of others for too long.

Many people find they have lived off the lives of their friends and family too much and are not prepared to be on their own in any way. They have not thought things out for themselves and are not ready to make decisions of any kind without people giving input.

I don't recommend taking off on a solo trek - backpacking the Pacific Rim or Appalachian Trail, but it wouldn't do you any harm to take a walk in the woods by yourself sometime. Spend some solitary time in a park, sitting at a pond or lake.

Camping provides much time for introspection as we sit around the campfire before bed. Once the tales are over and people are winding down for the day, the light of the campfire and its flickering provide the atmosphere for deep introspection. Being lost in thought is not a bad thing, at the right time and place.

In the comfort of our own homes, we can do this in a quiet room of candles or in a warm bath. There is no need to get away, only to be alone with some peace and quiet.

Make peace and cherish life

Once you have learned to be at peace with who you are and your station in life. You can choose to make changes to improve, stay the same, or let yourself go entirely. The choice is yours. You are the one to live with the consequences.

If you are in a relationship, how you act and invest in yourself impacts your investment in the relationship as well. The legendary Alpha Male, a man who is in charge and protects what is his can be a metaphor for someone who is at peace with who they are. They need not lean on others to reinforce their self-perception. They are who they are and people will like, hate, or not care about who and what they are... and they are okay with it.

It isn't what others think about us that should impact us, it is the self-respect and love we have of ourselves, that lets us be better for the ones we love and try to be better.

I hope enjoyed this short read. It was originally intended to be an article on the lone wolf and why they are okay.

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An outdoor enthusiast with a passion for travel and adventure. John is a professional consultant and photojournalist.

Bristol, TN

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