Choose a Grey Life and See What Happens
When we wake up every morning we have a choice. A choice to live, write, and be healthy. To not end up being like one of the patients on the show Grey’s Anatomy.
And lately, I’ve been failing.
Even with proven tools at my disposal, I haven’t been doing the things I know I should be. Like with Mel Robbins’ Five-Second Rule, a self-improvement tool where you must count down from five and then launch yourself into a positive action before you talk yourself out of it.
It’s a great rule that works wonders.
Yet, I’ve found myself completely ignoring the rule and eating chips instead of an apple, or watching Netflix instead of writing.
A rebel against myself.
With the new year on its way, we all have a choice coming up, a new resolution. When that last second chimes in the new year — the new start to the new decade — will we choose to do better than we have been?
Or will you be a bit more like me?
Sure, I haven’t been visibly failing. I still wake up each day, make my bed, go to work, and take care of my little munchkins. There’s even a smile on my face as I do it.
Yet, I don’t feel as though I’ve reached my writing goals or healthy choices. And this is because of one reason, one I feel many people can relate to.
I do not always like myself, which is not easy to write down.
Because of this, I choose unhealthy meals that make me happy in the moment. Punishment. I choose to stay up late watching a movie, show, or reading a book rather than writing.
Which leads me to tonight. I decided, as per usual, to stay up late, eat my favorite food — spicy noodles from Walmart— and watch a show on Netflix, Grey’s Anatomy. (Seriously, love this show.)
I’ve been craving a certain episode where there is the worst crisis the hospital staff has ever seen, well another anyway. It’s the kind of episode that rips your heart from your chest and tears from your eyes. Torturous joy. The kind that leaves you sobbing and begging for more while wishing you could make readers feel that way with your own writing.
And though I tend to see writing lessons everywhere, writing wasn’t the lesson learned. Not this time.
Through this heartbreaking, heart-pounding episode I realized or remembered life is about daily choices. To live. To die. Or to eat more bacon, as one character says while he’s bleeding on the table.
My daughter looked up at me the other day and said, “Don’t die, Mom. Live this long, okay?” She held up ten fingers. (Psst, daughter, I do hope it’s longer than ten as ten is a low number in many different ways.)
This idea had my heart burning and aching with fear. Not because of my mortality, which has become a terrifying idea since having children, but because of choice.
Sure, making decisions on my own is fine, but it all changes when our little humans enter the world. Or priorities change. I imagine my own fragile life and wish only for my kids to not have to feel the pain of losing me. Ever. For them to grow up with both parents.
And for me, selfishly, to watch them grow.
But the choices I’ve been making do not support this goal. The food I love is not a good choice before bed, nor is the beer I like to have with it sometimes. Staying up late not only puts a person on edge the next day but is not healthy.
And what’s worse, my children may choose to be like me and choose unhealthy habits as well.
So guess what? I choose to be better.
To have faith.
To eat better.
All for my kids’ sakes. What better motivator is there than their little faces, big eyes, and happy smiles?
While I have plenty of great qualities (like thinking positive, right?). I have a lot to learn and be better at, but I don’t want to save it for 2021. I want to start being better as a daily habit. To start now. To listen to Mel Robbins’ advice again, to countdown, and launch myself where I need to be.
Which means, in this moment, to turn off the computer and snuggle my husband. Love is a healthy choice. So is sleep. Let’s see where these dreams, sleeping, and waking will take us.
As Mel says, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
What do you choose?