Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by your own decisions and choices? For example, you are exhausted and stressed, and you can’t bring yourself to saying “NO” to something that will bring you more stress and exhaustion? If so, you may be struggling with creating boundaries.

As a contract attorney, I get assigned cases at random. If an attorney is too overwhelmed with work, they usually call me up and hand me cases. Usually, this is good. Staying home and homeschooling my 4-year-old is adorable but a bit mind-numbing. After the first hour of Play-Doh and puzzles, I need more challenging tasks. It happens to many moms.

On this particular day, I received a call from an attorney who needed a case done ASAP. It had a court deadline, and it carried heavy implications on the client’s life. My knee jerk reaction was to accept even though that particular week I was overwhelmed with parenting and a family member’s health issues.

He sent over the files and I stared at my computer for a good 5 minutes. I had 1 week to complete 2 cases that were very complicated and required a lot of research, writing, and analysis.

It was unrealistic. The attorney knew it too.

I felt pressure, thought. If I said no, would he give me more cases? Did I really want to say no to a pretty sizable chunk of money? I’m not one to reject work. I felt the tension rise and a bit of panic started to set in.

I had two choices. I could suck it up and do it at the expense of my mental and emotional well being or I could reject it and regain a bit of my sanity. I could be a “good” attorney or I could choose to honor myself.

I decided to set boundaries

If this attorney realized that they could send me these types of complex cases last minute, it would surely happen again.

I decided to honor myself and not others. I decided to be my own best advocate no matter the cost. I rejected the offer and it was life-changing. No bomb went off when I rejected it. There wasn’t some disaster scenario waiting for me. There was just peace.

These types of situations don’t just happen at work, they often happen in our relationships. We often feel pressured by friends or family to do things we feel obligated to do. Setting boundaries is life-changing. You’d be surprised how much more time your life will have when you set your own boundaries.

If you are struggling with this, here are 5 quotes that will inspire you to add more boundaries to your life:

Quote 1

“Lack of boundaries creates lack of respect.” Anonymous

Many people will consciously or subconsciously test your boundaries. It’s simple. If they know you’ll do X for them every time, they will expect you to do X+1 the next time. The more you give the more people expect from you. It’s easy to let this get out of hand. The more you set up boundaries the more respect you’ll receive.

If you have the self-worth and confidence to say “NO” or set up a boundary, the more you’ll be respected and even admired. It takes courage to say “NO” and it takes courage to stand up for yourself. As much love we have for others, we need to love ourselves more. At the end of the day, you can’t love and respect others fully if you don’t love and respect yourself.

Quote 2

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can’t base our own worthiness on others’ approval. Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say ‘Enough!’” Brene Brown

Many times when we fail to create boundaries it’s because we feel we are not “enough.” The impetus to complete my cases came from a place of insecurity. Thoughts such as “I’m a mom, but I’m still an attorney” or “I should be able to do challenging cases” ruminated in my mind. Also, “what would the attorney think?”

The truth is, my conundrum had nothing to do with my competency and everything to do with an impossible task created by an overwhelmed attorney. As soon as I created those boundaries I regained a bit of my self-love back. I was enough. I have nothing to prove.

Quote 3

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” Brene Brown

We can’t blame everyone for stepping on our boundaries. Nobody else in the world knows the scope of our boundaries. Many people will ask for something out of a genuine curiosity to know if we are able to do it. It’s our job to determine where our boundaries lie and fiercely defend them.

How do you know someone has crossed your boundary? Resentment. You will always experience resentment when your boundaries are crossed.

Others will push you and challenge you to really set up boundaries. These manipulative people will smell your hesitation to say “NO.” They have been able to get what they want before, why not now? It’s our job to hold them accountable. Set up your boundaries confidently and regain your power back.

Quote 3

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” Brene Brown

We can’t blame everyone for stepping on our boundaries. Nobody else in the world knows the scope of our boundaries. Many people will ask for something out of a genuine curiosity to know if we are able to do it. It’s our job to determine where our boundaries lie and fiercely defend them.

How do you know someone has crossed your boundary? Resentment. You will always experience resentment when your boundaries are crossed.

Others will push you and challenge you to really set up boundaries. These manipulative people will smell your hesitation to say “NO.” They have been able to get what they want before, why not now? It’s our job to hold them accountable. Set up your boundaries confidently and regain your power back.

Quote 4

“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” Warren Buffet

The beautiful thing about boundaries is that it creates more of our most limited resource — time. Imagine the things you are able to accomplish with this time. When we create time for ourselves we feel replenished and refreshed. As a mother, it’s easy to say yes to every single activity for your kids. Time and time again, I’ve learned to say “NO” to activities that would have been overbearing on our family’s time. I’m a better mom for it.

Quote 5

“Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.” — Melody Beattie

Many of us have struggled with guilt when we set up boundaries. We need to observe others when we set up boundaries. If people get angry or defensive, it’s a massive red flag. The truth is, nobody knows what’s going on in your life. You are the only one who can assess whether you need or want to set up a boundary. If the person responds defensively, they have a blatant lack of respect for you. It’s important to remember that the issues lies with them and not you. People who respect your boundaries respect you. Plain and simple.

Final Thoughts

Have you tried setting boundaries in your life? As difficult as it may seem, it’s a necessary act of self-respect and self-love. As much as it’s honorable to give to others, it’s also honorable to replenish ourselves. The more time we carve out for ourselves, the more freedom we will feel. It should be a part of our self-care routine. Enjoy the peace that boundaries create in your life. Bask in the joy of knowing you are enough.