2020 was a hard year for many of us. On my end, I have had some hard years since about 2010 and was really hoping things would shape up and get right in that decade. And in a way, they did. But not in the way I had expected. And I am so grateful and happy for all of it.
Sometime during these years of hard times I turned towards Buddhism, yoga, meditation and surrounded myself with chakra stones, Buddha statues, rocks and sand, yoga mats, and solitude. I thought if I just kept at it, it would stick. I would have this life of peace and nothing could touch me, nothing could get to me, no one could hurt me again.
And then I fell in love. The kind of love that is the forever kind. For real for real. On contact, on sight. And I brought my little Buddha life into a house of boys, monster trucks, hot wheels and transformers. And then it hit me - this was the it I was looking for. Not solitude, not peace, not walling myself away with meditation cushions, prayer beads, and tea but being here in this - in all of it - and embracing the realness of life and love.
During the move my little Buddha statue sitting in a ying/yang of sand and stones was placed on the living room table, a place previously devoted to legos, coloring books, and cars. My boyfriend’s four year old was drawn to it immediately and started playing with the rocks, sand and little rake. He picked Buddha up, moved him around, and interacted with the elements and pieces on the tray - pieces that for me, were previously somehow too sacred to touch, symbolic of this thing I thought I wanted to be, this unreachable, isolated calm.
And it hit me - this is what it actually is about. This is the peace. This is the joy. This is it. Buddha in his meditation pose but surrounded by monster trucks, being part of the make believe monster jam, at peace but involved, serene but engaged, tranquil yet full of pure joy to be part of the action.
This is the life I was searching for. This is the me I was being drawn towards. This is it.
I am where I need to be, with who I need to be with, and the combination, interweaving, and meeting of these worlds brings out the best in me. My love and I drink our tea at our kitchen table while the children play and run and scream and laugh, while his dog now our dog, and my cat now our cat, chase each other around the house - and this is exactly the dream of joy and peace I was searching for my entire life.I never would have imagined that my actual life philosophy would be based on the parable of Buddha and Monster Trucks but here we are, and I could not be happier.