I did not want to be “out here” again. Out here as in the “dating world.” Or the “ope that dream died, now what?” world. But now that I am, here’s how it is going to go: I am saving myself for Vision.
My divine feminine energy, Goddess energy is at an all time high. It will keep growing. I will not entertain ‘average’ anymore. I will not settle for good enough anymore. I will not accept fixer uppers, nor fall in love with a man’s potential ever again. Everyone has potential. But that is not enough to build a relationship on. I spent five years waiting for a man’s potential goodness to be his daily goodness. Rather than rise with me, he ran from me. Lesson learned.
My empathy and sweetness, my hopeful innocence, my previously mousy femininity have attracted narcissists to me in the past. That ends now. I am still figuring out how it ends now but I believe the answer is found in complete and total self-love, embracing that powerful feminine energy, and accepting myself and my standards as worthy and worth it.
This brings me to my obsession, long-standing, recently amped up, with Marvel’s Vision. From the films, for nerds who want to get all detailed. From the films. I am swooning for Paul Bettany’s Vision in every way. Yes, yes the voice, a big part of it is his voice. But it’s more than that.
Here’s why I am saving myself for (a) Vision.
1). He is intelligent: Swoon. A smart man. A thinking man. A man who has wisdom and knowledge. Yes. And furthermore he does not let his intelligence turn him into a mansplainer. Yes. Please.
2). He is masculine in a God way: that body though, right? But more than that the way he carries himself is pure strength, pure masculine strength in that non-toxic way. In that way of a gentleman who protects, cares, serves, appreciates, and is real. He is comfortable with himself, he accepts who he is, and his every move is strength - and yes, as we will discuss in a moment - vulnerability, emotion, feeling these things are all strength. Bring it on.
3). He has empathy and compassion: He can understand how other people feel, or how they might feel. He cares about this and he realizes his actions have an impact on others. Not to digress, but my ex-fiance once told me that he “never thought his actions had an impact on others” and that he did not understand why what he did “mattered to anyone else.” This was an excuse to justify bad behavior and it is a profound lack of empathy and self-awareness, right? So no ladies, I am - and you are! - in need of a Vision. Empathy and compassion are vital to all healthy relationships and if just one person is doing these things, that’s called a toxic mess. It takes two.
4). He is okay with vulnerability and emotion: he understands his feelings, and if he does not, he expresses them, shares them, talks about them, and grows with his wife in a deep way that is rooted in vulnerability, emotion, and relating - a relationship - with her as a team. He is okay expressing his sadness, he is okay expressing his fears, and when he is angry he does not cause reckless damage to his loved ones.
5). He is curious and always seeking growth and knowledge: he wants to listen, he wants to learn and he is a seeker. He knows he can always improve and he is not narcissistic. He has a curiosity about himself, yes, and about what is going on around him. Beautiful.
6). He puts his lady first in a romantic and powerful way: The way he speaks to Wanda is full on swoon. He is decent, he is respectful, he values her deeply and it shows. He wants to love her, cherish her, keep her safe, and make a good life for and with her. He sees her as an equal and he is aware of the good thing he has in her. He sees her worth and he acts accordingly. Praise this.
Of course VIsion was a creation and sure, part magical stone, part memory, part computer, but the man is all Love and that is something we can replicate in the real world. A man who has these qualities can exist, some say he does exist. As my therapist said regarding my worry over my ‘high standards’ (no addictions, intelligence, no adult children/family enmeshment, willingness to grow, self-love not ego-love, empathy, compassion, divine masculine energy, a sense of self-awareness and spirituality that guides values and morals, deep thinking, no bad habits, and so on) she said why worry it only takes one. And that is a point that resonates. It just takes one person to be your life partner. So for now, I will aim high, and hold the vision of a Vision in my Goddess heart.
©Jenny Justice, All Rights Reserved.