“Opinion” Soothing emotional pain

Jennifer Bonn

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Jen Bonn

I have had some comments on my articles that expressed the emotional pain some readers were feeling. Although I read all my comments, I don’t respond to all of them for various reasons, but for those who expressed their pain, I didn’t respond right away because I wanted my response to be helpful in some way, and not just a quick reply, so to the responders to my article, Are you lonely, and Love at first sight, this article is for you. I hope it helps.

There are so many different types of emotional pain, so I am going to focus on dealing with loneliness and the loss of a loved one.

Loneliness

On www.cigna.com, the article, How to deal with loneliness, says, “Loneliness is not an abstract condition that affects only certain kinds of people. The truth is that feelings of loneliness can affect anyone—young, old, and in-between—and at any point in life.”

Loneliness can affect people differently. It can affect you either physically, mentally, or both. It can negatively affect your health, so finding ways to alleviate it are positive steps to making life better for you. Here are a few ideas to cope with loneliness.

Push yourself to spend time with others even though loneliness sometimes makes you want to withdraw socially. It can feel safe to stay at home but going out into the world and interacting will help.

Do you know other people who are lonely? Help them out by asking them to go for coffee, out to eat, or to the movies.

Join a gym and talk to at least one person each time you go. (This means you have to go.)

If you belong to a church, join some of the social events they offer.

Volunteer in your neighborhood.

Adopt a pet. Taking care of an animal can lift your loneliness. You will have an animal who needs and loves you, and it is a great way to meet people when you go out for walks.

Talk to strangers. My family hates that I talk to everyone, but how else will you meet fascinating people if you don’t start some conversations. Be careful of course because not all strangers are safe to speak with.

You must know you have value. I read a comment from someone online as I was researching this that broke my heart. The person said he would always be lonely because no one wanted to be around him. Don’t give up on finding the right people to surround yourself with, they are out there. You have to find your people, sometimes it only takes a while.

Consider seeing a therapist. Going to an expert to talk out your feelings could be a good idea.

Disconnect from social media from time to time because being too connected can make you feel lonelier sometimes.

Find some hobbies you enjoy. Feeling busier may relieve some of the feelings of loneliness.

I hope these give you a few ideas to try. Don’t give in to loneliness. Find ways to connect.

Loss of a loved one

At www.healgrief.org, they describe grief in this way, “Grief is personal and individual, and every person experiences its nuances differently. Your personality, your support system, your natural coping mechanisms, and many other things will determine how a loss will affect you. There are no rules, no timetables, and no linear progression. Some people feel better after a few weeks or months, and for others, it may take years. And in the midst of recovery, there may be setbacks — this nonlinear process can’t be controlled. It’s critical that you treat yourself with patience and compassion and allow the process to unfold.”

Here are a few ideas on coping with losing a loved one.

Allow yourself to grieve.

Everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. Allow yourself to grieve in the way that works for you, and for the amount of time you need.

Express your grief through writing in a journal or make a scrapbook or photo journal to preserve memories of the person you lost.

Take care of yourself. You may feel numb or lethargic, but you may feel better if you go for a walk or do something you enjoy.

Ask for help. After someone passes, there is lots of activity at first as people send cards and drop off meals, but then it becomes very quiet. Ask for help if you are feeling lonely or need something. Most people want to help but are not sure how to help.

Join a support group where you can share your grief with others going through the same thing.

Don’t look for relief in unhealthy ways. Alcohol and drugs will only temporarily numb the pain and will probably lead to more problems.

I truly hope these suggestions help and I would love to hear comments on things that have worked for you.

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I am passionate about running, parenting, education, and self-help information. I enjoy writing articles that will offer readers the information needed to help them in some way. I recently retired from teaching French and Spanish for forty years. I run every day and have done all kinds of races from 5ks to ultra-marathons. I have three children and three grandchildren. I write for several magazines in my area, I am a contributor and in charge of the Pinterest board for a parenting magazine called Screamin Mamas, and I have a second book about to be released through Loving, Healing Press called 101 Tips to Ease Your Burdens.

Kennesaw, GA
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