Alone, Lonely, Still Alive
Some people feel that I am not real; wandering around and looking at life still. I'm seventy and look fifty which is good for me. I'm in good shape and am independent. My boyfriend likes me at least.
I am friendly then I withdraw; not wanting to impose on anyone's life. This is the way I am normally so the pandemic hasn't changed me much. I mostly stay around family. Those that work out of the house wash clothes, wash hands, and their body when they come in to stem any spread of the virus.
I am too alone but feel fine, but then I feel I am not alone enough and just want to deal with my stuff. I'm a writer so I can go into my own world for lengths of time and be perfectly happy. I am sure I don't really feel lonely because I have family that lives with me and I have a lot to do. Twin young men cause a lot of mess when they don't feel like cleaning up after themselves.
I do have close friends that love me so much; then I hide for a while which is not nice for them. I really don't want to be around people much. They have killed my trust in them severely so I only let in a few people.
Some people become offended by my absence and want me all to themselves. It makes me feel strange because I don’t have that range of understanding at all. I have always been a loner. I like it but have seen that another friend who just loves to be around people. If she can't she gets stressed and anxious. If I am around people too much I get stressed and anxious. She is older than me by about twelve years and lives in assisted living with a lot of people. She says she doesn't have friends anymore, just the same old people every day.
I was born this way and I guess I will stay with it. I will probably regret it someday when no one is there for me to say, “I love you, please stay!” It's the same as going through your life not wanting anyone to take your picture as you always criticize the result and think you are not pretty enough. The result of this thought pattern is NO ONE has pictures of you.
Look at life as a big game and don't take it personally. You'll never get out alive!
Jo Ann Harris is an author, parent, book devotee, writer, copywriter, and film fanatic. She is an autodidact who learns about everything and rows her own boat. She grew up and worked in Atlanta, Georgia, and lived there sixty years. She writes articles about love, hope, personal life stories, advice, and poems. She is a published author with an article published in Woman’s World magazine in October 2017.