This is Investment Advice

Isaiah McCall

Today I’m breaking rules 1,2, and 3 of investing.

I’m giving you advice. Investment advice. Oh yeah…

Unfortunately, the “this is not investment advice” disclaimer takes too long to copy and paste. I’m just not feeling it today. Sorry.

I’ll probably end up in a ditch tomorrow.

Someone’s going to take out a loan, mortgage their house, and sell their kids just to put it all on some low-cap pump and dump cryptocurrency.

Oh well!

Here’s serious investing advice just for you. Use it to your heart’s content. Just don’t send your lawyers after me. I have a cat to feed.

Do not buy an all-time high

Green shouldn’t be the color when the market goes up. It should be the color when it crashes.

Dips are a good thing. Guacamole, hummus, stock market dips. Yum. If you didn’t invest in a project early on you now have another opportunity to buy in at a better price.

This is your life preserver. This is your second chance.

Don’t let a little blood in the water scare you off. Moreover, don’t FOMO into an investment after it hit an all-time high.

Invest in solid fundamentals, not hype.

Time in the market is better than timing the market

Hm. Contrary to the last point, I did buy Ethereum at an all-time high.

My bad.

Sometimes life deals you a raw deal. This is when you remind yourself that ‘time in the market is better than timing the market.’

Losses are only temporary if your investment ultimately succeeds. With a little technical analysis, it might not even look like your investment dipped (if we look at a yearly picture).

Accept that sometimes your investment timing is good, sometimes it sucks eggs and balls. That’s life.

The market is a comedian. It plays jokes on its investors and laughs at them while they freak out.

Don’t let it get the last laugh.

Buy the rumor, sell the news

“Waiting helps you as an investor and a lot of people just can’t stand to wait. If you didn’t get the deferred-gratification gene, you’ve got to work very hard to overcome that.” — Charlie Munger

I work closely with a guy who’s made a lot of money in the stock market and in cryptocurrency.

He doesn’t make money off of buying all-time highs; he buys whispers or rumors and sells them after the mainstream buys in.

A good example of this — although he wasn’t a part of it — is in the GameStop fiasco.

The investor who led the charge on that movement predicted the short squeeze six months before it actually happened.

This guy did his research, invested a good deal of money, and then waited.

That’s all it took to make him stupid rich.

Pigs Get Slaughtered

Bulls make money.
Bears make money.
Pigs get slaughtered.

In other words: don’t get greedy.

The 17th-century Spanish philosopher Baltasar Gracián once said the greatest skill at cards is to know when to discard. A fine retreat is as good as a gallant attack.

Stick to your plan and never push your luck too far. Don’t live off of ‘hopium.’ Urban Dictionary defines ‘hopium’ as the following…

Hopium — The state of wallowing in self-pity combined with the delusion of potential fame/greatness. One in this state will hope for others to pity or save them, yet paradoxically romanticize their own struggle, pitying themselves and never moving on to achieve their dreams.

The stock market isn’t a casino. Don’t raid your kid’s college fund and placing everything on Dogecoin.

Take this advice to the bank

“In the short run, the market is a voting machine. In the long run, it is a weighing machine.” — Benjamin Graham

The markets do not need your attention for every single second of your life.

Take a day off! Even if you’re a technical analysis guru who’s glued to their computer chair.

Shut down all your tech. Go for a walk, meditate, read a book, watch a rom-com with your significant other. Get away from the markets and let them do their job dammit!

Last month I wrote about how Jewish people rigorously celebrate the Sabbath and everyone in the comments made fun of them.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough energy to call them all dumb. A day off is an excellent idea. Studies even show you’re more productive because of it.

So please, chill the heck out.

The Takeaway

How’d you like my investing advice? Please, don’t sue me.

This is what you should all know by now:

  • Do not buy an all-time high (even if hype is telling you otherwise).
  • Time in the market is better than timing the market.
  • Buy the rumor, sell the news. Just another way of saying don’t buy into the hype!
  • Don’t get greedy and push your luck too far.
  • Have a lazy day. But not too many. If you do I’ll kick your butt.

Now you’re ready to go lose your child’s college fund. Good luck out there!

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USA Today Reporter and Ultramarathoner. I write about Cryptocurrency, Fitness Hacks, and Greek Philosophy. Also a diehard Trekkie |

Jersey City, NJ

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