The 7 Reasons You Can't Win An Argument With A Narcissist


People with narcissistic tendencies are unable or utterly uninterested in resolving a conflict at hand. They simply cannot have a healthy, mature conversation.

If you’ve ever found yourself arguing with a narcissist, you know that you are always left wondering why you even engaged with them in the first place.

The trouble is, when you have a narcissist in your life, even a small request or comment can turn into a full-blown argument that goes around and around in circles. And the worst part is that you feel guilty by the end of it — even if nothing is your fault. Well, it’s not you. It’s them.

Narcissists are highly skilled in manipulation techniques that are meant to confuse and disorient you. You’re not communicating with a logical mind — and that’s why you always feel insane after disagreements.

So, do you want to avoid getting into these arguments in the first place?

This might help. Here are seven reasons why it’s impossible to win an argument with a narcissist.

Number 1 — They Won’t Try To Understand Your Point Of View

When you talk to someone about your emotions, needs, or boundaries, generally they will attempt to understand your point of view.

A narcissist, on the other hand, will never even try to understand how you feel or why you feel a certain way. That’s because they don’t care!

You really won’t get far by engaging with a narcissist about anything that really matters to you. You will only leave the discussion emotionally drained.

Number 2 — They Deflect Everything

Any small comment you make that puts a narcissist’s ideas or behavior in question will be immediately viewed as an attack.

You might be communicating that something they did, inadvertently hurt your feelings; or you might be calling them out on a lie — no matter what it is, the criticism will be deflected — as the narcissist shifts all the blame onto you.

Whatever began as a conversation about their character will turn into an assault on yours.

For example, if you catch a narcissist rummaging through your personal stuff and confront them, they will deny it and may even accuse you of doing that — while lacking any evidence. Or, they might accuse you of not trusting them and blame you for their actions and behavior.

In the end, you’ll end up forgetting your point — as the deflection causes you to feel overwhelmed with feelings like confusion, frustration, guilt, and anxiety.

Number 3 — It’s Impossible To Win Against Total Nonsense

The key to conflict resolution includes calm and clear communication — on both sides. When you fight with a narcissist, there’s no way you’re going to get that from them.

It’s common for narcissists to become irritable and aggressive at the first sign of unrest — and this leads them to bring up total nonsense.

Narcissists tend to go on rants that include incorrect “facts” and logical fallacies — not to mention convoluted phrases that are impossible to make sense of.

They do this because they don’t actually want you to understand what they’re saying. And that’s why you’ll never hold a mature conversation or reach a solution.

Number 4 — They Intimidate And Bully You

When you have a disagreement with a narcissist, the only way you’re going to come out feeling as if you “won” is if they want you to feel that way.

Many arguments with narcissists turn to yell, name-calling, bullying, and petty insults. They might even become physically aggressive in an attempt to do anything to “hurt you” or “get back at you.”

Then, when you defend yourself or stoop to their level, they’ll accuse you of being aggressive or abusive or instigating the argument in the first place.

Number 5 — They Lie And Deny

You could show narcissist evidence that backs up your facts, and they will still lie straight to your face.

Narcissists are masters of denial. Instead of owning up, they’ll confuse you with claims that you’re mistaken or that you’re the one lying.

As they fiercely claim that “it never happened,” you start to feel so disoriented that you just want to give up. Sometimes, heated arguments can escalate to physical violence.

Even then, the narcissist will lie or deny — claiming that it was an accident, they never did it, you’re exaggerating, or you deserved it.

Number 6 — They Always Focus On Your Faults

Narcissists boost their own self-worth by demanding special treatment, garnering obedient followers, and establishing the highest expectations from others.

And, they enjoy inflating their egos by making other people feel bad about themselves. That’s why they focus on what you do wrong in life.

A narcissist will keep a laundry list of your mistakes and faults to use when it’s convenient for them. At the same time, they’ll overlook your successes and anything that you do right.

Keep that in mind the next time you’re trying to gain approval or affection from a narcissist. No matter how hard you try, nothing will ever guarantee their support.

Number 7 — They Try To Enlist Others To Support Their Arguments

If you’ve ever known a narcissist, you know that standing up for yourself doesn’t end well. From their perspective, your actions are humiliating, unreasonable, or even abusive.

You could be the most well-meaning, communicative, and honest when you approach them — and they will still be upset. That’s because they expect you to treat them as if they are your superior — always right, entirely perfect, and an amazing person all around.

When you don’t, they may get offended, feel shame, or even become enraged.

Narcissists act this way because their egos are fragile, and their self-esteem is extremely low.

External validation is incredibly important to them, so they search for a third party to validate their actions and opinions. Emotional overwhelm leads narcissists to find support no matter what — even if it means lying, gossiping, or using other forms of social aggression and manipulation.

Proving that they’re right is more important to them than your needs and feelings. When you argue with someone who has zero interest in being honest, empathetic, or resolution-oriented, the conversation is painfully predictable.

Discussions wind up being frustrating, tedious, and entirely pointless. Even if the narcissist claims they want to reach a win-win compromise, it becomes clear that that’s just another one of their lies.

Once you realize that it’s impossible to have a productive argument with a narcissist, the next step is to learn how to get out of — or prevent yourself from ever getting into that situation.

If you’re dealing with someone in your life who disregards the truth and your feelings, you have the choice not to engage with them — or at least reduce your interactions as much as possible.

Let them find someone else to toy with — you don’t need to keep playing their game. Take away their power by saying NO to their rules and regulations about your life.

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