The God Who Knows Us

Hope Moquin

WHAT IS WAS WILL NOT ALWAYS BE

In a world full of the mentality of ‘What’s next and who’s next’ — I feel my human bones inside my skin begin to soften at the thought that there is a God who can count the beat of my heart from a million miles a way. A God who has this zeal of awakening our hearts to the quiet truth that we are so known even in a crowd that is so obscure. And my bones are softened to know that in a noisy room of comparison and expectation, He could pick me up out from the crowd just from hearing my sigh.

What an honor it is to be known and what an honor it is to be taught how to know. You see, we need to train our silence to speak up. And train our bluntness to sit softly. Let’s train our heart to trust more unhurried, because even with the best intentions, a heart is deserving for us to be careful. Let’s train our eyes to flip through the pages of the room we are in. Because we need to not be so interested with what people think of us. But rather be dedicated to how people feel around us. And for this very reason, let’s cherish the ability to have our own mess and our own quirks. All for the purpose of sitting down in the crowd with another human heart and giving their lips the freedom to say, ‘Me too’.

What an honor it is to be known by Him.

And what an honor it is to be taught how to know like Him.

I don’t believe the Leper was the least bit interested in what people thought of him. I genuinely believe deep down, his heart was dedicated to how people felt around him. I believe he wanted to be the person he was made to be. I believe he had a dream, and he had a vision of what he wanted his life to look like. I believe he hit a point of realization that he couldn’t do it on his own. And I believe that was the point Jesus was waiting for Him to hit so he could fall into grace. So Jesus could so kindly whisper to him, “Because of your faith, what it was will not always be.”

I had never been so certain that the Lord was in something when he put it on my heart to move back to Georgia. Which is so ironic, because if anything didn’t make sense — it was moving back to Gainesville, the home of heartache and bad decisions. Even more-so, moving back to the church where I was kicked out of youth group from. Yep. When I was fifteen I was literally removed from youth group and I despised the church so much that my mom would pay me $100 a Sunday to sit in main service with her. Then I would use that money to maintain my bad habits.

In this season I felt as if I was blind dog just following after my masters voice with not a clue of where I was going or what I was doing. All I knew is that I had to go and that was all there was to it. No one was on board with me going back to Gainesville, because of everything that had previously happened when I was fifteen. And when I fell back into my old ways during my second year of ministry school, that happened when I was in Gainesville, too. So to pack up all my things and move back to the place where my sin lived while I was still living in sin made no sense what-so-ever. But, I knew what the Lord said and something in my soul couldn’t shake it.

Nothing beneficial ever happened in Georgia and even in my own head I was confused and thought for sure something was not right. But I have learned to let the Lord do what He wants and for my mouth to hush up and just go. It wasn’t until a week after I moved and was settled in my apartment that I had my enough is enough moment. Orientation for the new ministry school was in three days and I had just come out of a week full of parties and wild living. I remember sitting in my room in a deep stare at my wall.

I knew how terrible my problem was.

I knew there was not anything I could do to stop repeating this cycle.

I knew that I did not have the power to break off the generational patterns in my life.

I’ll never forget taking two sheets of paper. On the first sheet, I wrote out every characteristic of the person who I knew I wanted to be. On the second sheet, I wrote out every characteristic of the person who I was in that moment. And I compared the two side-by-side. I took it to Jesus and just like the Leper, “Lord, if you are willing.” Because I had the realization I couldn’t do it on my own. And that was the point Jesus was waiting for so he could kindly whisper, “Because of your faith, what it was will not always be.”

Life change does not always happen in an alter inside of a church. Life change can happen when your heart sits down to rest and simply says, “Jesus, help me.” And mine was in my bedroom.

Let's normalize having encounters with Jesus that are more than just on a Sunday morning. Is church important? Absolutely. But your relationship with Jesus is more than inside four church walls. God is bigger than that. God wants to meet with you one on one. He wants to talk to you more than just one morning out of the week. He wants to move in your life. The question for us, is are we willing?

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