Singleness Is a Gift

Hope Moquin

I was suppose to be married two years ago.

What? I was flipping through old journals this morning when my jaw dropped because I realized that two years ago today I was suppose to be married. SO much life has happened between then and now, but yes. When I was 20, I got engaged. And at 21, I did the most uncomfortable and in my eyes, most embarrassing thing in the world and called it off.⁣

I was not ready for marriage and I had some healing I needed to go through. Getting into a relationship when you are uncertain of who you are will create a big ole mess. And on the flip side, because I was a Christian girl working in ministry full-time, I felt like I had to hurry up and get married early. Because it seems that’s what everyone else does, right?⁣

There are two kind of people I want to talk to with this post. To the one who knows they are not ready for a relationship yet, that is OKAY. Taking time to heal from your upbringing or traumatic events or heartbreaks is a GOOD thing. And being in a relationship will NOT heal what you have not addressed. When we get into relationship without taking the initiative in our lives to heal, we end up hurting people along the way. Including ourselves.⁣

And to the one who feels pressured to hurry up because everyone else is, that is NOT okay. Let me provide some relief and tell you that the pressure is off. And just because many choose to get married early, does not mean you have to settle and do the same. Date when YOU are ready. Not because your relative keeps asking why you’re single. Date when YOU meet that person who you know is a good fit. Not because you are the last unmarried person at your workplace.⁣

What I am saying is, a few years ago, I did it wrong. And I share this because I know it can feel pressuring at times. It can feel lonely. It can feel frustrating. But take your time to heal. And when you are at a good place, don’t you settle. I’d rather be known for trying multiple relationships that ended instead of spending the rest of my life in the wrong one.

Let’s SHIFT our focus.⁣ Something I am particularly passionate about is prayer. Because it matters. And it is important. ⁣There’s this book I reference to pretty often called, Prayers That Avail Much, by Germaine Copeland and in it has multitudes of scripture based prayers. One is specifically called, “Preparing Yourself for Marriage”.⁣

What has moved me the most in reading through this is that the prayer for our “future spouse” actually has NOTHING to do with that person but EVERYTHING to do with who we are becoming.

How many of us have been so eager and so quick to take our list of the things WE want to God but haven’t even asked God to search our motives or our hearts? Instead of praying for God to shape and mold and prepare our future person, let’s maybe get back to scripture and get humble and honest and open with God and ask Him to expose our hearts. To show us more of who we are. To develop more godly characteristics in us.

More and more in my life I have come to learn how much more God is interested in WHO we are than he is in WHAT we “want”. ⁣

Shift your focus, friend. And try praying this.

“God, sometimes being single can be lonely. Please comfort me in these times. Help me to deal with my feelings and thoughts in an appropriate way. Help me to remember to work hard on myself, so that I will be whole and mature when you bring the right person into my life.

Help me to remember that this is the time of preparation for the day when I will be joined to another human being for life. Show me how to be responsible for myself and how to allow others to be responsible for themselves.

Teach me about boundaries, what they are and how to establish them instead of walls. Teach me about love, your love, and how to speak the truth and love, as Jesus did.

I don’t want to be a hindrance to my future spouse, to you, or to myself. Help me to take a good look at myself, but myself image. Lead me to people, teachers, preachers, into things, anyone and anything you can use to teach me your way of being right and doing right and being whole.

Teach me how to choose the meat you would have for me. Give me the wisdom I need to see clearly and not to be double minded. Help me to recognize the qualities you would have me look for.

Thank you for revealing to me that the choice of a mate is not based only on emotions and feelings, but that you have very definite guidelines in the Bible for me to use. I know that when I put these principles into practice, I will save myself a lot of pain and trouble.

Thank you that you were not trying to make things hard for me, but that you know me better than I know myself. I pray that you will keep my foot from being caught in a hidden trap of danger. I I am persuaded that I can trust you because he first loved me. I know that you will cause my thoughts to come in line with your will so that my plans will be establish and succeed.


Singleness does not have to be something that makes us sad or makes us miserable. Singleness can be one our greatest gifts in the world if we allow it to be. I hope this encourages you to shift your focus and use this time to you best benefit.

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