Boundaries 101

Hope Moquin

For a while, there were things in my life that I kept falling back into and I couldn’t figure out why I kept getting involved with things that hurt me. Things that would hinder me. Things that would keep me from where God was trying to take me. Now, I’m an enneagram 8. So, after realizing these things I had to figure out what the heck my problem was. (and all my 8’s said… AMEN).

I wanted to know why I was the way I was, why I reacted to things the way I reacted, why I responded to hurt the way I did, why specific things triggered specific emotions — I wanted to know all of it. Because when you care about where you’re going, you care about the habits that could keep you getting there.

And what I learned was that boundaries are a heck of a lot more important than we think. Boundaries in relationships, in places, in people, in habits, in thoughts. They matter. They shape you. They keep you true to you.

So, let’s talk boundaries.

Everyone has different boundaries they set up or different doors they have shut in their life. Whether that be in a past relationship, drinking, sexual temptation, family members, friendships, or any sort of habits. We all have struggles and we all have tried at some extent to help them. Here’s the thing, if a boundary was created in the first place then there is a reason as to why you created it. You don’t create something that is meant to help you and just go for a few weeks then remove it. Unless if the Lord has deliberately told you that it’s good for you to take it off — you keep that boundary in place. Because it was created to help you.

Let me ask you. How do you not cross the line that you drew? Well, you don’t even look at the line. You keep your mind set on things above. You keep your eyes on where you’re headed. You don’t flirt with the line that was drawn. If we used to struggle with alcohol and we don’t want to drink, then why do we think we can handle going to that party? If we don’t want to go too far sexually, then why do we think we can handle being alone in a room together at late hours? If we don’t want to get sucked back into a bad relationship, then why do we think we can start casually hanging out again? No, friend. If you don’t want to cross that line then care about yourself to not even look at the line.

If we set a boundary in our life it’s because there was a necessary need for one.

We don’t set a boundary just to go back in a few months and remove it because all of a sudden “We can handle it.” The biggest lie in my life has been, “I can handle it.” Because I know God, and I know my morals. So I can go and do these things and I can handle it. Right? No! Wrong. So deceiving and not true at all. More often than most, we put a stop to something because we feel like we’re suppose to. As Christians, many of us put a boundary because we feel the Lord was leading us to so he could take us higher.

How beautiful is it that the God of the universe cares about us so much that he would take the time to intervene and prompt us to do something or more importantly, to not to something. Think about it. The God who breathed life into every lung, the God who is the creator of all things, the God who we know as Lord and as friend — if He takes the time to get our attention about something, it MUST be because He has a purpose in it.

People don’t fall back into their old ways because they are bad people. A lot of people fall back into their old ways because they knocked a door that the Lord specifically shut. They kept pushing and pushing and eventually their own human hands opened back up the door that was shut to protect them. I’ve said it before, but I don’t personally believe there are “bad” people. Sure, we were all born into a sinful world therefore we are inherently human. But, I’m talking about the people who are lost. The people who are caught up in cycles and mistakes. They aren’t bad people. They are people who don’t have a clear vision for their life. When you have a vision, you don’t want to keep running back. Yeah it hurts sometimes, but you want to keep running forward.

I know, here I am sounding whack again. I feel like I have such a different view than what is cheered for. But stick with me.

No one wakes up and decides, “Hey, I’m going to be a drug addict one day.”

No one wakes up and decides, “Hey, I really want to get sucked back into my toxic relationship.”

No one wakes up and decides, “Hey, I think I’m going to go too far sexually with that person today.”

No one wakes up and decides, “Hey, I’m going to have one drink tonight and I’ll be fine even though I use to struggle with it.”

No one wakes up and decides, “Hey, I’m going to let this person back in my life and it’s going to be fine.”

People don’t dream about being caught up in something that is killing their soul. But people end up in things like that because they didn’t know where they were going to begin with. OR people end up in things like that because they knew exactly where they were going and they didn’t set up the necessary boundaries to keep them on the right track to get there.

When you know your vision of where you’re going, it makes it a lot easier to make decisions. When we care about what God is doing more than what our flesh wants to be doing, it makes sense to say no to settling. When we care about who God is shaping us to be, it’s easier to shut down anything that may hinder that.

When we begin to care about what God is doing — we begin to care about what we are doing.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to run full speed ahead of God and tell Him to catch up with me. I want to sit back with Him and let Him show me what lines I need to draw to keep me in place. And I don’t want to step over those lines unless He takes my hands and walks with me over them.

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