Warning signs he's NOT into you and MOVE On!

Heather Jauquet

Black and white photograph of a man in a suit with his back turned toward the camera and his face 3/4 turnedDrew Hays/Unsplash

Thank you, next?

You don’t ever need to be someone’s last minute plans. If you are not even a consideration when it comes to hanging out or spending time together, run far, far away. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Girlfriend, if he’s doing any of the following, drop him like a bad habit. You deserve better.

He doesn’t make you smile

When you think of him, does he make you smile? Does the thought of him make you want to call him, text him, or see him?

It should. If not, you might want to ask yourself why.

If your first thought of him just makes you annoyed, scared, or angry, we call those flags and it’s time to ditch the guy. Seriously, why spend time with anyone who doesn’t make you smile or makes you feel good when you think of him?

He puts his friends before you

Does he make time for you for more than Netflix and chill? Do you spend any time together outside of those intimate moments? Or would he rather hang out with the guys? If he’s putting his friends before you, you may need to reevaluate your relationship.

You are worth it, and he should know it, periodt.

There’s a lot to be said for just spending time together doing even the most mundane things. Cooking dinner together, going on a walk, watching the same show while cuddled up on the couch.

If he wants to be with you in the downtime, he’ll be a keeper when it comes to the more intimate moments. Trust me.


How’s the communication? If you can communicate with a few eyebrow moves and head nod, that’s pretty good. It means that he’s in tune to you.

If you can bring up a topic that you started yesterday and he can still follow along, he’s paying attention.

Does he ask you about your day or what’s on your agenda? If he’s interested, he’ll ask those questions. And you will, too.

If you have to repeat yourself or isn’t sharing in the conversation, is he even paying attention or is he too busy scrolling through his phone? If his phone holds more interest than you, move on. He’s not worth your time.

Is he listening? If he can talk to you about someone other than himself, he’s a keeper.

My husband and I can communicate across the dinner table and get our point across without saying a word. Our kids wonder how we do it. It’s all about communication and being in tune with your partner. Sometimes it’s just a look and a head nod. He knows what I mean.

He doesn’t help you when you’re sick

One way to know if he’s the right one for you is if he can take care of you when you’re sick.

Does he bring you meals, wrap you in blankets, check in on you? Or does he leave you to fend for yourself?

If he’s going to be with you when you’re sick, he’s going to be there when you’re healthy.

Before we were dating I was came down with a terrible case of strep throat. My throat was on fire and I was feverish. I couldn’t get out of bed. My friend (now husband) spent that entire night sitting in the doorway of my room watching over me. He brought me water and walked me to meals when I was able to move. He stayed with me until I was better.

This year when I was diagnosed with cancer, he went to all of my appointments with me and continues to attend the video calls with my oncologist. He took over all the chores I usually do around the house. He cooked the meals and attended to the children while working full-time.

When the pandemic prevented him from going to my chemo and radiation treatments, he drove me and waited in the parking lot until I was done.

We’re celebrating the end of my treatment with a trip and I can’t wait.

You are doing all the chores

Who is doing the chores? Is all you? Is it all him? Where is he when you’re cleaning up dinner and washing the dishes?

When we first got together my husband wasn’t great about doing his laundry and I couldn’t cook a darn meal.

I like doing the laundry and he’s a pretty good cook, so we split the chores based on our strengths.

Whoever cooks dinner, the other will clean up.

We both work. The house would be in shambles if either of us were solely responsible for the chores.

And truth? I’d be pretty darn grumpy if he sat on the couch watching tv all day when I was the only one cleaning up after our family of six.


“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”—Albert Einstein

Is he truthful? Does he trust you? Do you trust him?

I remember when I was sitting in a doctor’s appointment my doctor asked me if I was in a monogamous relationship. I laughed and said, “Of course.”

Then she asked me if my partner was in a monogamous relationship. Wait. What? Did she just really ask me that? She sure did.

In her experience as a doctor, there were a lot of couples who one side thought she was in a monogamous relationship and her partner did not.

If you want to be in monogamous relationship, set those boundaries and ground rules. Otherwise you might be in for an ugly surprise.

Trust goes deep. It takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.

You can make mistakes, but you can’t break trust.

If you can’t trust him with the small things, he’s not going to be trusted with the big things like your heart.

You’re doing all the work

“You’re both there to serve in a relationship.”—Chris Rock

Relationships are all about give and take. They aren’t always going to be 50/50. There are times when you are giving a little more and when he’s giving a little more.

But if you find yourself making all the plans, doing all the chores, making all the contact, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. He’s not that into you and it’s time to move on.

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Heather Jauquet writes articles centered around the DMV and her adventures in other local communities. Follow her to get information about Montgomery County education, government, and community news. When she's not writing, she's running.


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