Woman excludes ‘Toxic’ fiancée of brother-in-law she doesn’t like from party, claims ignorance when fiancée gets mad

Gillian Sisley

A recent birthday gathering of a young woman and her new family caused a feud between her and her brother-in-law’s partner, as explained in a Reddit post.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author, who is married, felt that something was off about her brother-in-law’s relationship the moment they were introduced, and since then she has noticed a difference in her brother-in-law. She explains further:

“I'll be honest, I don't quite like his fiancée, ever since she was introduced to the family I got a weird feeling about her. My BIL, Danny, is usually a very cheerful and happy person but he doesn't look like himself since he's with her. It's like she's draining him of all happiness. I think the problem is that she's too jealous and she doesn't like it at all when me and him are together, she's always trying to get his attention and getting him to be next to her all the time. The rest of the family is quite okay with her, my husband doesn't like her as much either, but she's invited to most of our family gatherings.”

The author was organizing a birthday dinner for herself, and carefully chose a guest list that she felt would please everyone, which ultimately ruffled some feathers:

“I spend my birthday just with my husband, then we went to have dinner with my family, and a different day we went to have dinner with his family to celebrate. So I picked the restaurant (one that everyone would like) and agreed to them when it was convenient. I invited my other BIL (m20) and his boyfriend (m21), MIL, FIL, and Danny, but not her. Danny asked me if she could come but I said I had already made the reservations and such, and he dropped it then. We posted photos on social media.”

Psych Central warns that excluding family members from family events can cause feelings of deep hurt in those affected, and therefore should be done so with precaution and thoughtfulness. Furthermore, excluding certain members from family events can create an environment of hatred and tension that can be hard to heal, as detailed by Oprah Daily.

Despite the author’s explanation of limited space at the restaurant, Danny’s fiancee accused her of not considering her family and argued that the author intended malice through her actions. The author concludes with:

“Yesterday we had a family gathering, nothing special happened, we just wanted to have lunch together. Danny’s fiancée came and kinda ignored me, which is not weird since she tends to do that. But then she started telling me stuff like I don't consider her family then she asked me if I had a nice birthday party, I said yeah, it's very sad you couldn't come, we had the reservations. She told me to quit it and stop acting like I like her when I'm always getting between her boyfriend, and her which is not true. I told her that the restaurant didn't have any bigger tables and that's all, but she continued arguing. MIL told her to just quit it too, but she made such a big deal of it. Now my family is telling me I could've just invited her to avoid all of this.”

What do you think?

Was the author completely justified to refuse to invite her sister-in-law to her birthday dinner with her family, since she doesn’t get along with her and didn’t want her at the celebration?

Or does the author need to appreciate that when it comes to family, you need to accept members that you may not get along with, but that you need to still be civil with?

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