Friend who was asked to dress ‘frumpy’ so as to not ‘outshine’ other girl at birthday party refuses to attend event

Gillian Sisley

A woman is in a dilemma regarding whether or not she should attend her friend’s boyfriend’s birthday party, and she’s written about her confliction in a Reddit post.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author begins by explaining her friend Kate invited her to her boyfriend’s birthday party, but that invite came with a rather shocking request:

“She asked if I wouldn't mind "toning down" my look for the party, and if I could send her a picture of what I was planning to wear. I asked her what this meant. She asked if I could dress (verbatim) "basically what [I] would consider frumpy" because she really didn't want to be outshone at her own boyfriend's birthday party. She went on to say that she wanted Jamie's full attention that night, which she wouldn't get if I showed up dressed properly.”

The author refused the request, feeling humiliated and stating that if she was going to be such a concern for Kate, she'd rather not come to the party. However, the boyfriend, Jamie, is also a friend of the author, and so he reached out to her, asking if she could still come to the party. Which has left her in a bit of a dilemma, as she explains:

“I guess she didn't tell him the reason because Jamie messaged me saying he knows I'm "booked" the night of the party but he'd really like it if I could be there, and asked if I could reorganise so I could come. I hadn't replied, but I got a message from Kate saying she knows Jamie is trying to get me to come and please could I just put my pride aside. I asked if she was going to ditch the outfit policing, but she said no, so I said I would not be coming.”

After talking to mutual friends, she learned that Kate is aware of how ridiculous her request is, and is just desperate to be seen a certain way. She concludes:

“Other friends I've told (who don't know Kate) say I should not bow to the pressure and that she's nuts for even asking, and I don't disagree, but also I feel bad skipping the party when it's Jamie's birthday and he asked specifically that I come. So, should I be going?”

What do you think?

Should the author stand by her values and refuse to cater to her insecure friend’s request of dressing ‘frumpy’ for the birthday party?

Or should she just let it slide, adhere to the rule her friend Kate set, and show up to the party underdressed since Jamie has asked her to come?

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