Woman desperate for a baby considers leaving partner of 11 years over infidelity issues and inability to get pregnant

Gillian Sisley

A heartbreaking situation is developing for a woman who's been with her partner for 11 years and recently found out they have no chance of conceiving naturally due to male factor infertility, and she’s written about her heartbreak in a Mumsnet post.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author and her husband were planning to explore whether ICSI is an option, but her husband has yet to make an appointment with the fertility doctor they found a month ago, and refuses to talk about it. She explains:

“I’m devastated. I just want him to go get a scan. I want to know that we did everything we could. He says he definitely wouldn’t have an operation - even the small one needed if ICSI were to be an option. I’m not coping, and I’m considering leaving – but this also feels unfair to my husband.”

The situation is heartbreaking and her story is a reminder of the struggles couples face when it comes to infertility. The Mayo Clinic estimates that between 10%-15% of couples are infertile. In the face of this challenge, many couples have found success and happiness on the other side after medical intervention, adoption, surrogate, or fostering, as detailed by American Adoptions.

The author has been looking at posts from other women in her situation and found that the advice is to leave as the woman will regret not having children. She laments in her post:

“I’m so torn. I know it’s not necessarily fair to leave because of something outside of my husband’s control – but I do feel like it is within his control to explore our options, and he is not doing this.”

The author also worries about her future if she were to leave her husband, and feels torn:

“I’m not automatically just going to have children. I’m 38. I will be grieving the end of a decade-long relationship, trying to set up my whole life again, and I'm sure that partners that you want to have children with don't just suddenly appear. So instead of being childless and in a relationship, I would be childless and single. I’m not interested in ‘going it alone’ either – I simply don’t have the support network or financial security on my own. I just think about the future and feel so sad and lonely.”

Despite the pain and uncertainty she’s facing, the woman is determined to keep looking for hope and a better future. She concludes:

“I just think about the future and feel so sad and lonely. I also live on the other side of the world to all my family and good friends, and I just don't know where to turn.”

What do you think?

Should the author absolutely leave her husband, since he’s gone back on their plans to have kids, which is a dealbreaker?

Or is the author being too hasty by trying to force a baby on her husband when he’s not quite ready, and it’s not fair for her to push?

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