Mother-in-law who lied to family members about why she wasn’t visiting grandchild accused of manipulation

Gillian Sisley

A new mother is feeling overwhelmed by her mother-in-law’s behavior, who has been ignoring her son and creating drama since the baby was born. The mom has written on Mumsnet looking for advice from others.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author, who gave birth recently, is feeling the pressure of having to host her mother-in-law and extended family in a few days, an expectation she’s not sure if she can meet after a complicated birth and little sleep. She explains:

"4 days ago had a baby. [My mother-in-law] was at ours when I came back from hospital the next day. She mentioned going to [her place] next week so she can invite her family to see the baby. My husband said it’s too early and for me to have more time to recover. [My mother-in-law] got very upset at this and since then she has been ignoring my husband’s calls from time to time."

The daughter-in-law's situation is all too common among new parents, who are typically dealing with a lot of stress and are vulnerable to outside interference. BabyCentral explains that in in-law’s behavior can make these stresses even more difficult, causing new parents to feel pressure when it comes to juggling their own new lifestyle while also trying to accommodate loved ones.

The mother-in-law's reaction was unexpected and has caused a lot of upset for the new parents, which the daughter-in-law says has reduced her to tears. She continues:

"I’ve been in tears ever since I heard she told people that we don’t let her see the baby. When I had my first, it was a very complicated birth and again it was the same story, it made me depressed. I promised myself that this time round I’m not going to get upset but I just can’t help it. I’m angry at myself!"

The situation highlights the importance of understanding boundaries between family members. While it is natural for grandparents to be excited about the arrival of a new grandchild, it is important that they respect the wishes of the new parents and give them the space they need to adjust to their new role. The author concludes:

"The other thing is if she does invite her extended family and we go, I’m gonna be expected to help out. I'm feeling really tired and sleepless, and not sure if I’d be okay to be hosting in a few days!"

What do you think?

Is the author justified in not wanting her in-laws and extended family members visiting so soon after the birth of her child?

Or is the author greedy to not want to share her baby with other family, and she should be happy to host them no matter how exhausted she is?

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