Hungry wife who eats crackers at 5 AM in bed and wakes up her husband accuses him of ‘gaslighting’ her for her weight

Gillian Sisley

A Reddit post has recently gone viral, asking whether a woman is in the wrong after a disagreement with her husband. The wife wants to know whether or not she’s being gaslit by her husband.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author starts off by explaining that she had a recent argument with her husband, which has resulted in a bigger conflict between the two. She explains:

“At 5:30 this morning, he wakes up to my eating crackers, while sitting on the corner of my bed. He sleeps heavy, so I was shocked I woke him. He responded, “Why are you eating right now?” I say, “I’m sorry, I haven’t been able to sleep all night and now I’m hungry.” To which he says, ‘for someone who is concerned about their weight, this is the worse time to be eating’.”

The author, who claims she is not fat, became agitated and got angry with her husband for his comment. She explains further:

“I have said minor comments in the past like “These pants make my butt look huge” or “maybe this is not the most flattering shirt because you can see my stomach” I don’t think I’m fat. I responded to him, “stop picking on me (at this point I’m agitated.) He says “I’m your husband and I’m trying to help you, it’s not healthy.” I say, “leave me alone and go back to sleep.” He storms out of the room and insists I’m being mean to him! All the while I’m apologizing asking him not to leave.”

The author admits she should have moved to another room to eat, but also points out that her husband could have responded more politely. She concludes:

“I can completely understand how the crunch noise could be annoying. However, it would have been nicer of him to just say ‘please go eat in the other room’ or try to be more quiet?’. He’s acting as though I have asked him the watch what I eat. I have never asked him to monitor what I eat. I just feel like this is gaslighting.”

As detailed by Psychology Today, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse in which the abuser attempts to make the victim question their own reality. Gaslighting in its true form is not acceptable in any relationship, and can have long-term effects. That said, the term ‘gaslighting’ has become more commonly used in mainstream media, leading to its inappropriate and inaccurate use in situations where it does not apply, as reported by the Washington Post.

The author has opened up a discussion about the use of the term ‘gaslighting’ and its effects on relationships. While some commenters have disagreed with her, others have defended her and her experiences. One commenter wrote:

"It's not okay to make someone feel like their reality is wrong and the way they feel is wrong or invalid. It's no wonder she was feeling so upset, I definitely would be too."

However, another commenter stated:

"He is not “gaslighting” you. That is not what that word means. If you eat noisy snacks at 5:30 am go someplace else. If you wake someone up when they’re sleeping apologize. And for him, if his issue is with the noise he should say so.”

What do you think?

Is the author justified to feel like her husband is gaslighting her in trying to keep her accountable by reminding her that she wants to lose weight?

Or is the author being unreasonable by eating so loudly that she woke her husband up, and then getting mad at him when he spoke out of frustration?

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