Grieving father-in-law who wishes to move in with Family of 5 refused by ‘selfish’ wife: “I don’t want him here’

Gillian Sisley

The death of a loved one is a difficult time for anyone, and can be especially hard on those closest to the person who passed away. It can also be a time of difficult decisions and changes for the family, as seen in the Reddit post, where a husband is considering moving his grieving father into the family home.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author opens by explaining that her husband has been struggling greatly since his mother's death, and his father hasn’t been doing any better. She explains:

“It was very hard on him and his father. The holidays were rough. My husband is still struggling and I've been doing my best to be kind, supportive, and understanding. But he's been less attentive with our 3 kids (14F, 12M, & 9M) and I'm pretty sure he's struggling at work too but he won't admit it. He started therapy about a month ago and is going once a week.”

Many families face extremely difficult decisions that they must make after the death of a loved one. As it is a time of great turmoil, experts advise that people should avoid making any significant or rash decisions when they’re still in the midst of active grieving.

That said, a couple of weeks ago, the author’s husband brought up the idea of moving his father into their home, which she wasn’t exactly excited about, as she details in her post:

“He brought up to me that he wants to move his dad (75M) into our house. He said that his dad is struggling too and that being in the house he shared with his wife the past 50-years isn't doing him any good. He had an entire plan laid out so it was obvious to me that he's been planning this for a while without talking to me about it. He also wants to talk to his dad about putting their house on the market or possibly renting it out, which means FIL would be here long-term.”

The wife's initial reaction was "no," and she shared her reasons with her husband, however, he wasn’t very pleased that his wife didn’t just jump on board with his suggestion. The author explains:

"I told him that barely any time has passed since his mom's death and it's too soon to make such drastic changes in everyone's lives. He was not happy with my response and kept asking for specific reasons. I suggested that we look into different housing options for his dad if he's uncomfortable in his home, which I get.”

Though the author gave her husband some reasons why she wasn’t in favor, she admits in her post that she has other reasons for not wanting her father-in-law to move in:

“Seeing my husband deal with his grief has been hard, especially since it's affecting his ability to be present with me and the kids. I really don't want a second grieving man in our house. I also really don't want to kick our middle child out of the room that we just made specifically for them. That isn't fair to them. But I know if I tell my husband this, he's going to think I'm being selfish, and maybe I am.”

The husband's father lives about three hours away and the nearest town with retirement homes is over an hour away, so even that option is not ideal.

What do you think?

Is the author completely justified in not wanting her grieving father-in-law to move in with her family of 5, especially since her husband has been neglectful of his kids and they simply don’t have the room?

Or is the author indeed being selfish by not letting her grieving father-in-law move in with them, just because it wouldn’t be convenient or comfortable for her?

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