A teen who doesn’t consider her mom’s new husband a legitimate member of their family has been scolded for her behavior toward the new addition. The mother has turned to Reddit to find out whether or not she was in the wrong for how she handled the situation.
*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*
The author begins by explaining that she is a mom of 3, and her oldest daughter, Gracie, is a product of her first marriage. Gracie is 17-years-old, and the two other children are 10 and 7. She had them with her current husband.
Her daughter’s biological father never liked her new husband, which has caused some real issues, as she explains in her post:
“Her dad was angry when I found someone else. He hated my husband and Gracie always knew it. I went through the courts when my ex would not stop badmouthing my husband to Gracie and did not leave her out of the adult issues we were having.”
Integrating a new stepparent into a family unit can be a tricky process, especially if children aren’t exactly open to inviting the new family member into the household. Psychology experts advise focusing on the positives, taking things slow, and getting to know the children are the best ways to make the integration process easier.
She continues that she ultimately divorced her first husband because he wasn’t being faithful, and for that reason, they separated. Gracie has always been hesitant about the author’s husband. She adds:
“Gracie holds him at arms length and doesn't treat him like a member of her family. She doesn't include him like she does extended family. It hurts my husband and I have tried to facilitate their relationship to be more but I don't think it was enough.”
The author continues that she had a conversation with her daughter about how she didn’t like how Gracie treats her husband like he ‘isn’t part of the family’, even though he’s only ever been ‘kind to her’. However, Gracie didn’t take the conversation well, as she details:
“She got mad and told me I chose to marry him, she didn't choose to have him in her life. She also said it wasn't my business what their relationship is like. I told her I'm her mom and I love her, and I'm his wife and I love him and I just want them to get along.”
Children aren’t always willing to accept a stepparent into their lives. Validating the child’s feelings of uncertainty is one of the most important ways to help a child adapt, as well as using family routines to bond the family together.
What do you think?
Was the author entirely reasonable to speak with her daughter about the teen’s treatment towards her stepfather, which mostly involved exclusion tactics?
Or is the teen right in that it isn’t her mother’s place to try and influence her daughter and husband’s relationship, and she needs to let things run their course, no matter how long it takes?
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