Woman Called Out Brother-in-Law for His 'Weaponized Incompetence'

Gillian Sisley

She's turned to the internet to find out if she was in the wrong.

A mega-viral Reddit post has caught the attention of the internet after a woman describes her encounter with her brother-in-law at an early Thanksgiving potluck.

The post has collected 24,500 upvotes and 1,700 comments to date after a woman accused her brother-in-law of "weaponized incompetence".

"Weaponized incompetence" is a term that was coined in 2007, and it refers to when a person purposely does something poorly or says they're unable to do a certain task so that their partner will do it instead. Psychologists have referred to this phenomenon as a manipulation tactic.

The poster child of weaponized incompetence?

The author of the viral Reddit post, u/tammyloren, begins her story by explaining that her sister is 32, and her brother-in-law is 38. The woman refers to her brother-in-law as the "poster child of weaponized incompetence".

She wrote,

"My sister works a full-time job (40+ hours a week, cleans her entire house, cooks, takes care of all her children) without him doing ANYTHING. All he does is stay home and work, and when his kids get home (after my sister picks them up of course) he will play with them for a little and play video games until he falls asleep."

The woman states that her brother-in-law's incompetence only became more obvious when she and her husband stayed at her sister's home while theirs was under renovation. The woman explaines that she and her husband helped her sister with chores and taking care of the children, and her sister was incredibly grateful for this.

To add salt to the wound, the woman also says that her brother-in-law only calls himself a "god fearing, hard working father of five" when he is trying to impress other people, but otherwise does nothing to help his household.

What do you do when a sibling is being mistreated by their spouse?

The author of the post says that she's talked to her sister about leaving her deadbeat husband, but the sister doesn't want the children to go through the trauma of divorce.

The woman then sets the scene about the most recent blow-up.

"Cut to this past weekend, her and her husband threw a pre-Thanksgiving potluck where our entire family and his was there. I stayed with my sister a few days before because I knew he wouldn't help."

The woman then explains that at dinner, she mentioned that she and her husband were trying for a baby, and her brother-in-law made a comment to her husband about how difficult it was to be a father.

The woman did not take this comment well.

"I snapped and said 'like you would know'. He looked taken aback and asked me what I meant and I unloaded on him calling him a pathetic excuse for a man who makes my 8 months pregnant sister do everything for their family."

Is this a lazy husband getting his just desserts?

The woman says that she went off on her brother-in-law for about 10 minutes while he just quietly sat there. She said that she then left the dinner early with her husband.

Thankfully, her sister was not mad at her for her actions. She wrote,

"Last night my sister called me and thanked me for standing up for her and told me she appreciated me."

But now that the brother-in-law is clapping back, this woman is wondering if she crossed the line. She explains,

"Although today I got a very nasty text from him telling me I'm a terrible person, and because I 'lied' in front of his family his mom is angry at him and is moving in with them to help her out and I've made him the laughing stock of his family. He certainly thinks so, but am I [in the wrong] for doing this?"

The internet has the author's back.

The comment section was flooded with mostly support for the woman who wrote the post.

One user, KhajiitKhaleesi, commented,

"It makes me happy to see so many feminists here to tell me to stop enabling misogynistic ideals that always blame women for men's feelings. Behind every incompetent man is a mother who did everything for him!"

A second user, DaniCapsFan, chimed in with,

“I wish more people would call out guys like this on their laziness, their weaponized incompetence, their refusal to do anything but the bare minimum while their wives do all the work, in addition to working full time. He is pathetic.”

What do you think? Was the woman in the wrong for calling out her brother-in-law for mistreating her sister through his intentional laziness? Or was it not this woman's place at all to say anything, and should she have just kept her mouth shut?

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