Prepare to Be Lonely Spinsters, Fellow Feminists

Gillian Sisley

Here’s more valuable advice from a really fab, borderline-misogynistic dude on the internet.

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Photo by Aris Sfakianakis on Unsplash

I truthfully cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard, and so loudly, at a comment before.

I read it aloud to my husband, and he laughed, too.

The comment was long and rambling.

Essentially, it details how I was in the wrong to be offended when a complete stranger who I’d only been messaging for less than a day chewed into me (by calling me ugly, pasty and a stuck-up-b*tch) because I left his message unanswered for two hours.

I was in the middle of a three-hour university class. You know, getting an education.

And this online commentator spent several paragraphs detailing how I lacked common courtesy, and that ‘women need to understand that they should let men know if they’re going to disappear somewhere else for a few hours’.

I retorted with, in short, that this point was complete garbage, and no one is entitled to anyone’s time, and certainly not a misogynist throwing insults at me who had not replied to my messages for several hours and not seen a single issue with needing to let me know.

This commentator’s response was legendary:

“I’m glad you just got married because that attitude would have left you on the fast track to spinsterhood.”

Ah, the old “feminists are spinsters” trope.

It’s been so overused that I’m borderline exhausted.

But honestly, when I read that final line, it was truly so ridiculous that I couldn’t do anything other than laughing hysterically.

I shared the comment with some of my female writer friends, and they swooped in to add their two cents.

Their most valid points being that if he was going to lecture me on “common decency”, it was rather hypocritical to then begin insulting and name-calling me because I disagreed with his points.

His response to both of them was, “Woah. Where’s the insult? Spinister is a legitimate term for a woman who is single, similar to a man being called a bachelor.

The obvious response from us was:

“What complete and utter bull. One is a negative, derogatory term, and the other is seen as a positive and complimentary term. According to his bio, this guy has a PhD — he knows exactly what he was insinuating.”

Believe it or not, but even women with opinions get married.

It’s true. I’m one of them.

I am an outspoken feminist who takes just about every opportunity to challenge the patriarchy.

I get heated in debates about sexual assault where some dumba** says that women need to “dress appropriately so that they don’t get raped”.

I started a feminist publication with two other women where we encourage others to stand on their soapbox and speak their truths, unapologetically.

I refused to say, “I will obey” in my vows, because I refuse to be controlled by anyone, not even the person I love most in the world.

And guess what? My husband loves me so incredibly much for every single one of those things.

Not only does he love me, but he is also exceptionally proud of me.

He’s proud of the work I do.

He’s proud of the waves I create, and the bold steps I take towards furthering the cause towards equality.

Yes, believe it or not, there are men who admire strong, opinionated women.

There are men who marry them.

But that said, onto my next point.

A woman’s greatest achievement in life is NOT getting married.

I really, truly enjoyed that this guy’s low blow was insinuating that my life would be meaningless, lonely and empty if I was to never get married.

For one, as a married woman, I can assure you that marriage is so much more than that.

Marriage is a sacred partnership between two people — it’s deep and meaningful, and it’s exactly what the participants make it.

I didn’t get married for the sake of stability.

I didn’t get married because I was afraid of being forever alone.

That said, half of the women of my life aren’t interested in ever getting married.

Some of them have committed partnerships, life partners, and everything in between.

And their relationships with their partners are not lacking in meaning simply because they aren’t planning to get married. Their partnerships are just as meaningful as my married one — period.

And the additional layer to this conversation? Even if a woman chooses not to be in a relationship, also does not mean that she’s lacking in meaning or fulfillment in her life.

This is 2019, not 1819.

Grow up.

Final word.

As I was writing this article, my husband asked me:

“So why do you do this? The writing thing?”

I took a moment to consider it, and the answer came to me rather easily.

“To me, there’s nothing more powerful than sharing our stories. The moment you’re vulnerable and that makes others feel less alone — to me that’s like magic. And it’s important to open dialogue about misogyny and sexism. Running the Fearless She Wrote publication with Jess and Mags gives me purpose and fulfillment in life that I’ve never found before.”

And that’s why writing about these instances matters.

It’s not just about finding humor and satire in the misogyny we as women encounter every day.

It’s about starting real dialogue so that we can actively lessen the gap between genders and get one more step closer to equality.

And unapologetically sharing our stories is a great place to start.

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Online solopreneur. Tea drinker. Committed optimist. I write about trending news, viral Reddit content, and anything else that tickles my fancy.

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