I Don’t Always “Kill It” Every Day

Gillian Sisley

In a world where productivity is King, I’m not living up to the expectations of your average entrepreneurs.

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Image by Kirill Averianov from Pixabay

My partner is addicted to productivity and efficiency.

It was one of his greatest qualities as an entrepreneur back in the day — these days he applies that work ethic at his 9–5, and is quickly working his way up the corporate ladder.

My partner wants to one day build a business that makes him millions.

I’ve been running my business for 3 years now, and I have no desire to make millions with my company.

He crushes it every day.

There are some days I’m just barely getting by.

And to be honest, I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with the fact that I’m not crushing it every day.

There are days that I just need a break.

I don’t give myself many of these.

When I have the drive, I will plow through my To-Do list — because I can’t always guarantee that I’ll have that motivation.

I usually each lunch at my desk, and I always forget to take time off. I have clients who remind me I need a vacation.

Running a business is stressful, and it requires the owner to wear many, many hats.

The weight of that responsibility alone can leave me lying in bed staring at the ceiling some mornings, feeling like the world is closing in on me.

On those days, I’m not crushing it. I’m recuperating my strength. I’m doing my best to avoid burnout.

I listen to my body when it needs me to slow down.

I’m still working through some trauma from my past.

That trauma has left me with a general, lingering anxiety in my day-to-day life.

This anxiety is dramatically reduced by taking a collagen supplement in my morning tea each day, but it’s still there.

I still get triggered. Existing with my trauma still exhausts me regularly.

On those days, I take the wins where I can get them, no matter how small.

Because keeping my business alive and well, and being able to serve my clients despite my trauma, is a HUGE win.

Not having lost my business as yet another victim of what happened to me is a big f*cking win. Every single day.

I value my freedom more than anything else.

I enjoy the simple things in life most.

Like reading a good book, or taking 15-minutes from my workday to take my dog out for a walk in the afternoon, or not having to commute to work.

I don’t want to be a millionaire, and I’m not embarrassed at all to say that the reason I don’t is that I’m unwilling to make the sacrifices and put in the work necessary to make millions in my business.

This lifestyle of mine, and the income I’m bringing in, is an active and intentional choice on my part.

Because this is what ultimate balance looks like to me.

Final word.

Productivity and success look very different from person to person.

Sometimes, my success is just surviving the day with my sanity, and a smile on my face.

I’m okay with the fact that I don’t crush it every day.

I’m okay with the fact that I sometimes need to request a day’s extension from my clients for something, because a trigger brought up from my past has left me unable to work that day.

I’m okay with being honest and vulnerable and transparent about the fact that there are days I’m not okay, and sometimes the consequences of what someone else has done to me knocks me on my a** from time to time.

As a woman in our modern-world, that which I am able to achieve is something I am beyond content with.

That doesn’t make me lazy or unproductive or a failure.

It makes me a survivor.

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Online solopreneur. Tea drinker. Committed optimist. I write about trending news, viral Reddit content, and anything else that tickles my fancy.

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