Just Let Adults Who Don’t Want Children Live Their Damn Lives in Peace

Gillian Sisley

People need to stop being offended by others, particularly women, making the conscious choice to not have children.

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"I have... not one regret about not having children because I believe that it is the way it's supposed to be." — Oprah Winfrey

I don’t have a lot of friends.

I believe in having a small number of quality friendships over a large volume of acquaintances.

Still, with my small quantity, easily half of those girlfriends don’t want kids.

I do want kids. I’m excited to be a mom. I’ve known I wanted to be a parent most of my life.

But half of the woman I adore in my life don’t want kids.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, in any way shape or form.

A girlfriend of mine recently told me a horrific story.

She was at her monthly wine club, with the same friends she’d been meeting with for years.

At this particular meeting, she realized that every single one of the women there either has children, or was trying for one.

Everyone but her.

She has zero intention of ever having children.

And apparently her voicing this opinion was the end of the world.

Shock. These women were shooketh.

“You’ll change your mind when you’re older.’”
“Once you’ve found the right person, you’ll definitely want kids.”
“Aren’t you worried about regretting it down the road?”

It’s not like she called their kids awful or horrible.

It’s not like she insulted children, or told all her friends she hates their kids and thinks they're all disgusting.

She just doesn’t want kids for herself.

"It was not my destiny. I kept thinking it would be, waiting for it to happen, but I never did, and I didn’t care what people thought." — Helen Mirren

And I can’t get over how other people could find that personal decision so utterly offensive.

Let every woman choose what she wishes to do with her body.

If you claim to support pro-choice, support women’s autonomy, and are infuriated by the current climate of female autonomy taking place in the US, you also must support women’s rights and choices to whether or not they want to become pregnant and raise a child.

You’re not a feminist if you get offended when a fellow woman makes the choice to not be a parent in her lifetime.

Just because you made a choice for yourself, doesn't mean every other person in the world must follow the example of choices you’ve made and apply them to their own lives.

Let that girl live her best damn life as she sees fit.

Seriously. It’s that easy.

"I don't have the lifestyle conducive to having kids the way that I would want to have kids. ...I have no regrets." — Sarah Silverman

Why in the world as a parent yourself would you want an adult who doesn’t want to be a parent bring children in the world to raise?

They’re not being selfish, they’re being responsible and living their own damn lives. Which they are entitled to do!

In what universe is the decision of having children anyone else’s business???

You don’t feel entitled enough to tell people what career they should choose for themselves.

You don’t feel entitled enough to tell people where they should live and what house they should by.

You don’t get your panties in a knot, telling your newly married friend that she’s going to regret marrying her husband simply because he isn’t the guy you tried to match her up with two years ago.

So why in the hell could you ever think it’s in any way justifiable to feel entitled enough to get offended by her choice to not have a kid?

The answer: you are not entitled in any way, your opinion doesn’t matter, so keep it to your damn self.

It really isn’t that hard…

"I don't think it's a compromise to have children. I don't think it's a compromise not to. I think it's just a different choice." — Cameron Diaz

Final word.

Simply, it is no one else’s business but the people who would have to bear and raise a hypothetical child whether or not they choose to go through with that choice?

I am planning to have children — my new husband and I have that in our 5-year plan.

My mother-in-law is very closely counting down the days until we do have children.

In fact, in the last year or so, we delayed our timeline by an extra year (or several). When she heard me casually mention this at my bridal shower, she was a mixture of shocked and offended,

“But you two said 5 years ago LAST YEAR. That means that it should be 4 years now, not 5.”

I cleared my throat, mimosa in hand, a couple of my girlfriends smirking at me. “Well,” I began, “That timeline is getting pushed a bit, since your son started the CPA program and he had to put off two semesters to accommodate planning the wedding.”

My mother-in-law blinked at me, perplexed:

“But… it’s supposed to be 4 years. I’m supposed to have grandbabies in 4 years.”

I smiled lovingly, while replying, She whose uterus will carry the baby reserves the right to change the timeline as she and the sperm-provider see fit.

While she wasn't exactly impressed by that statement, several of my friends (especially the ones who don't want kids) gave me a nice pat on the back for defending myself. And frankly, for defending womenkind as well and our right to choose.

The only people (or person) in some cases who should be involved in deciding when and if they have kids should be the people directly creating said tiny human, and/or the ones who will be responsible for taking care of said tiny human.

Everyone else just needs to shut the f*ck up.

Isn’t womanhood just grand?

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