I’m Sorry My Independence Inconveniences You

Gillian Sisley

Oops, did I go against what you expected of me? My bad.

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Photo by Marcus Bellamy on Unsplash

To my first boyfriend, who tried to control and manipulate and craft me into the submissive girlfriend he’d always wanted.

To the male colleague who craved to take the majority of credit for our work, and glared at me when my idea was received by the VPs while his was not.

To the girl friend who rolled her eyes whenever someone asked what I do for a career and I honestly replied, “I run a social media and copywriting business.”

I’m sorry my independence inconvenienced you.

Only, I’m really not.

Because I’m just being an ambitious individual, aiming for my highest and best potential.

But, apparently, that’s an issue for many, because I guess, well… I’m a woman.

I deserve to shoot for the stars, too.

And it’s not at your expense when I do so.

Literally, my success has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t affect you in any way.

You are the one who is trying to make it your business.

My right to succeed and work and grind for what I want does not mean I am consenting to be in competition with you.

I’m just doing me, why can’t you just do you?

Focus on you, don’t even worry about me. Don’t even think twice about me. It doesn’t even have to be an issue to begin with.

I’ll shoot for my goals, you shoot for yours, we all collect our successes and everyone wins.

It can literally be that damn simple.

Knowing who I am isn’t a crime against humanity.

It is not my job requirement as a woman to be a damsel in distress.

Just because I have female biology, doesn’t mean I need saving.

Taking care of my own sh*t and getting things done without anyone else’s help isn’t a personal insult against you.

It literally has nothing to do with you.

I have built my own character with a foundation of determination and grit and hard work because I’ve struggled and made mistakes and learned new things along the way.

I don’t always know how to do everything, but I’m always willing to learn anything.

Things like changing a flat car tire and mowing my front lawn and building myself a coffee table don’t come always come naturally or happily to me. But that doesn’t mean I require assistance, simply because I’m a woman.

I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to offer. I’m not saying I’ll be insulted simply because you’ve offered help. Actually, I will be appreciative of your thoughtfulness. And if I really do need help, if I decide something is beyond my capabilities and skillset as a human being, I will happily accept your offer for help.

But I do request that you don’t only ask because I’m a woman. And I request that when I say, “Thank you for the offer, but I’m going to figure it out on my own”, you not then immediately ask back, “Are you sure? I can do that for you in a jiffy.

Yes. I’m sure.

No games. No playing hard-to-get.

Just me, an independent woman, being an independent woman.

It’s not that radical a concept.

My success does not equate to your failure.

Can I say this a little louder for the people in the back?

My success does not equate to your failure.

If you feel threatened by my success, that’s on you, not me.

What, am I supposed to just not strive for my own goals and settle for not being ambitious because when I succeed, rather than feeling happy for me as a loved one, you feel bad about yourself?

And then you go and blame me for those bad feelings behind my back?

I don’t go out of my way to rub it in your face. I admit, when my business initially succeeded when I launched it at 22-years-old, I was f*cking stoked.

Because I know, personally, how much of a big deal that is.

I celebrate other entrepreneurs who do it, too.

It's a big accomplishment, and it’s really commendable.

So, yes, I talked to you about it because I was hoping you could celebrate my success with me as I had enthusiastically celebrated yours with you time and time again.

It was saddening and shocking when our relationship soured after my business succeeded. After I bought my house. After I finished my debut novel. After I got engaged.

Now, I can’t even mention what I do for a living like someone who says, “I’m a teacher”. I‘m not allowed to say, “I’m an entrepreneur” without being on the receiving end of your stank eye.

And that’s not on me.

If you view the success of your loved ones as a direct threat to you, that’s on you.

You need to figure that sh*t out on your own damn time, and I’m not letting you hold up my personal progress while you do it.

Final word.

I’m clearly going to continue running my own path, and apparently, I’m going to also continue offending people as I do it.

But I’m not abandoning my independence because it’s inconvenient for other people.

That’s not on me, that’s on them.

And I won’t stop.

Because I deserve everything I work for, and I still have dreams to make happen for me.

And you’re not going to stand in the way of my achieving them.

So, instead of judging from the sidelines and feeling butthurt, why not use your time for something more useful like, say… focusing on making your own dreams and goals come true.

Just a suggestion.

But hell, what do I know? I’m just “that braggy b*tch who seems to have success and achievements handed to her on a silver platter, which just isn't fair at all”.

Yeah, okay. Sure.

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Online solopreneur. Tea drinker. Committed optimist. I write about trending news, funny viral content, and anything else that tickles my fancy!

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