Albuquerque, NM

10 Weird Laws in Albuquerque

Genius Turner
Not only is Albuquerque "the Duke City" but it's also the city of weird laws.(Steve Burke/Wikimedia Commons)

Albuquerque, NM — I've always wanted to visit one of the nation's most "beautiful cities," renowned for having watermelon-colored mountains and lovely rivers. Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.

In Albuquerque, it's illegal for women to change their own flat tires. This law left me scratching my head while wondering: If two ladies get stranded with a flat tire, I guess it'll be only right that one of them says — "Don't worry, no pressure"?

In short, because the word weird is synonymous with "uncommon," here are ten weird laws in Albuquerque.

1. It's illegal for cabbies to pull customers into their cabs.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A teenager's eyes are glued to the phone while crossing a busy street. A car nearly hits the teen, but thankfully a cabby safely pulls her into a cab.

"Sir," the teen says, "first, thanks for saving my life! And second — gotta report you for pulling me into your cab and breaking the law."

2. It's against the law to trip a horse.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A cowboy rides his horse down Central Avenue. From above, the cowboy spots some guy stretched out waiting at the bus stop.

The cowboy points at the guy. "Hey pal, better watch those big feet and avoid illegally tripping my horse."

3. "Indecent waitering" is illegal.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A couple's waiter looks like Brad Pitt. "Hello," he says with a smile, "may I take your order?"

The insecure boyfriend wraps an arm around his girlfriend's shoulder. He then answers: "Nope! Your 'indecent waitering' is illegal, pal!"
A waiter that looks like this and serves a couple's table is guilty of "indecent waitering."(Luke Rauscher)

4. It's illegal to spit in public.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A local burger joint mixes up some guy's order and accidentally puts Carolina Reaper Peppers on his nachos. The guy chomps down on the pepper and the flames choke him. So he spits out the pepper.

A security guard blows his whistle. "Sir," he warns, "next time either suffer in silence or risk jail time."

5. It's illegal to sing the state or national anthem incorrectly in public.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A lady sings the national anthem at a karaoke bar.

An angry customer flings down his dinner napkin. "Ma'am," he yells while covering his ears, "it's illegal to sing the national anthem incorrectly, not to mention the damage done to my eardrums."

6. Throwing something onto a field during an athletic event is against the law.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

UNM has the worst record in the conference, with just 1 win all season. And so, if a frustrated Lobos' wide-receiver complains, the quarterback can always use this excuse:

Sorry pal, but the reason my throws keep being off-target is that it's illegal to "throw something onto a field during an athletic event." —Quarterback

7. It's illegal for women to have hairy armpits in public.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

"Sorry ma'am," the mall security says, "but walking around with those hairy armpits is illegal."

The lady shakes her head. "Can't you see . . . I've got Bigfoot in a headlock?"
What a way to find a loophole in the law: simply put Bigfoot in a headlock.(Bernell/Pixabay)

8. It's illegal to give glue to a child without a parent's consent.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

Ebeneezer Scrooge is babysitting his nephew. While at the store, the nephew spots Elmer's Glue and aks Uncle Scrooge to buy it for him.

"Sorry kid," Scrooge says, "but buying that stuff from Elmer is illegal."

9. It's against the law to dance while wearing a sombrero.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

A security guard blows a whistle at a fiesta party. "Sir," he warns, "wearing that sombrero on the dancefloor is illegal."

The guy smiles. "Sorry pal, but I'm not wearing a sombrero." He points at the sombrero. "This is merely a straw hat with a very wide brim sticking out."

10. Betting on horse races is against the law.

  • Hypothetical scenario:

(Knocking on door.) "Who is it?" the man behind the door says.

"Open up! You're under arrest for betting on horses again!"

After a pause, the guy says: "Oops! Sorry. Since camel and ostrich races are legal, my bad eyesight tricked me into thinking those were camels racing."

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My writing is popular in academia (biology, psychology, etc.) and on websites such as Quora (millions of views) and Medium. Also, I'm signed to the same literary agency as Eckhart Tolle. In short, I'm an ordinary guy serving an extraordinary God.

New York City, NY

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