Seattle, WA — Like many, I've always wanted to visit the city that gave us everything from Cobain's "Smell Like Teen Spirit" to Beast Mode's touchdowns. Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.
In Seattle, it's illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus. This law left me scratching my head. I couldn't help but wonder: What if while boarding a Greyhound, the passenger is carrying his leftovers from Red Lobster, which so happen to be a 'fishbowl' and crackers?
In short, because the word weird is synonymous with "uncommon," here are ten weird laws in Seattle.
1. It's illegal to buy a mattress on Sunday.
- Hypothetical scenario:
A customer enters a mattress store. He says to the salesman: "I'll need the best king-sized mattress."
The salesman shakes his head. "That's illegal. It's a Sunday."
"Sir," the customer says, "I'm hosting a king at my home for the week. And he'll only be comfortable sleeping on a king-sized mattress."
2. Painting polka dots on the American flag is against the law.
- Hypothetical scenario:
(Dialing 911.) The operator answers.
A male voice says: "Hello, I'm witnessing an illegal act of painting polka dots on the flag."
The operator asks for more info.
"Ahem," the male voice says, "my daughter's 5 years old now and should know better than to graffiti on our flag!"
3. It's illegal to harass Bigfoot.
A man wearing a huge grin storms into the bedroom. "Honey," he tells his wife, "I've decided to run for president. Believe I have a shot?"
His wife nods. "I believe in you, babe . . ." She then says under her breath: "But I also believe in Bigfoot."
The man frowns. "Hey, I heard that. Making fun of Bigfoot is illegal!"
4. It's illegal to set fire to another person's property without prior permission.
And once granted permission, the hopeful arsonist is abruptly reminded he'll get arrested if he sets that fire.
5. Walking around with the common cold is against the law.
Mall security blows the whistle. "Sir, did you just walk by me while coughing and sneezing?"
The guy abruptly starts to jog in place. "Yep! But I'm jogging around with this common cold. So I've broken no laws."
6. It's illegal to change lanes or turn without using your turn signal.
So even if you're the only driver on the road at 4 am, don't forget to use your blinker when turning right.
7. It's illegal to buy meat on a Sunday.
A hungry man shops for steak on a Sunday. At the checkout, the clerk reminds him: "Sorry, pal, but on Sunday's we're all vegetarians."
Perhaps next on the "banned" list will be: soda pops and calling one's father "Pops."
9. It's illegal to pretend one’s parents are rich.
"Rich" is a relative term. And so, if some kid at Lakeside private school brags how rich his parents are and one of Bezos' kids hears this, well — even if the braggart's parents are worth tens of millions, relative to Bezos they're "poor."
In short, this would mean the kid illegally pretended his parents are rich.
10. Destroying a beer bottle is illegal.
"Hey," a guy says, "how come your home is decorated with used Budweiser bottles?"
The homeowner smiles. "It was either that or risk breaking the law."