Oklahoma City, OK — Like many around the country, I'd like to visit Oklahoma's largest city. Or as Russell Westbrook loves to say: OKC is the best city in the world! Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.
In Oklahoma City, it's illegal to hunt for whales (whaling). This law left me scratching my head. I couldn't help but wonder: saying whaling is illegal in OKC is like saying sunbathing is illegal in the North Pole.
And so, with that being said, here are ten weird laws in Oklahoma City.
1. It's against the law to share hamburgers.
A guy — with his arm draped around his girlfriend's shoulders — takes a bite from her burger.
The nosey waiter sees this. "Sir, I'll have to ask you to leave if you eat from her hamburger again. That's illegal."
The guy shakes his head. "Sorry, pal. But we don't eat pork! Her burger came from a cow."
2. It's illegal to wear boots to bed.
Unless, of course, the only way you can fall asleep is by pretending you're a shepherd wearing boots, before "counting sheep" for sleep.
3. It's illegal to say curse words.
"So nice to finally meet you, Dan," a guy says with hand held out.
Dan shakes his hand and smiles. "Hell—"
The mall's security guard blows a whistle. "Sir, using foul language is against the law!"
Dan scratches his head. "But I was only trying to say Hello."
4. It's illegal to have tissues in the back of your car.
Why? Because that's where bumper stickers go. Duh.
5. It's illegal for groups of 3 or more dogs to congregate on private property, unless the Mayor signs a permit.
Okey-dokey. I guess since Tom had no luck catching Jerry in Cartoonland, he moved to OKC and convinced the Mayor to pass anti-dog laws.
6. It's illegal to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
(Phone ringing.) "Hello. Customer service at Uber. May I help you?"
"Hi. I just checked my Uber passenger rating. The last driver gave me a measly score of 1."
"Please, hold. On second thought, no need," customer service says. "Reading about Superman in comic books, while your poor driver 'operated a motor vehicle,' is illegal."
7. Eavesdropping is against the law.
The instant Pinnochio heard being nosey can land you in trouble, he said: "I'm staying out of OKC!"
8 It's illegal to eat a hamburger and walk backward while downtown.
But if you can eat a hamburger and sprint backward while downtown, the city will consider giving you a free hamburger for taking such risks.
9. Unless licensed by the state, females are prohibited from doing their own hair.
A concerned husband says: "Honey, I checked this month's Visa bill. Ahem, must you get your hair done daily at the beauty salon? It's getting expensive."
She heaves a sigh. "Babe, sounds to me like an issue you need to take up with OKC's lawmakers."
10. Speaking loudly in a church is against the law.
Some teenager dozes off while listening to the sermon. At one point, the animated preacher shouts and disturbs the teen's sleep.
"Ma," the teenager says, wiping the cold from his eye. "It's illegal for that man to keep yelling while preaching. And my dream was just getting good, too."