Jacksonville, FL — Like many around the country, I've always wanted to visit Florida's largest city. Or as comedian Lil Duval loves to say: Jacksonville is the number one city! And number two, too. Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.
In Jacksonville, it's illegal to sing while wearing your swimsuit. But since I can't swim, heck, that weird law doesn't much concern me. But there are ten more weird laws that leave me scratching my head.
And so, with that being said, here are ten weird laws in Jacksonville.
1. It's illegal to fall asleep while getting a haircut.
Before becoming a lawmaker in Jacksonville, you have to be a barber. First. And so, former barbers passed this law to get revenge on all those lazy customers who dozed off in their barber chairs.
2. It's illegal to skateboard without a license.
But feel free to snowboard! In fact, the day you find a reason to snowboard in the River City will be the day Duval County gives you a free skateboarding license.
3. On public buildings, all doors must open outward.
Mr. Wolf: Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in.
Third Little Pig: Thanks for the heads up. I'll move to Jacksonville, then, where the open-outward-door law ensures your high winds could never blow my doors in.
4. It's illegal for unmarried women to parachute on Sunday.
Before loading the helicopter to skydive, a concerned husband says: "Babe, don't forget to wear your wedding ring. It's Sunday and the pilot will check before letting you on board."
5. After 6 pm, public flatulence is banned.
"Sir, please vacate the arena!" a security guard shouts in the loudspeaker, pointing in the stands at a Jaguars' fan. "The crowd wanted the quarterback to throw a bomb. But instead, you fart a stink bomb."
6. Releasing more than 10 balloons at once is against the law.
But if you release 9 balloons with one hand and 9 more with the other, no problem. After all, each hand counts separately.
7. Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts," such as living together in the same residence.
"Remember," a concerned lady says to her boyfriend. "If anybody asks, just say — you've been attending my sleepovers for all these years."
8. If a pig's pregnant, it's illegal to put her in a cage.
"Building Rover a doghouse?" the nosey neighbor asks while peeking over the fence.
The guy shakes his head. "Nope! Building Porky a pig-house."
9. Law enforcement can ticket drivers traveling more than 10 mph under the speed limit.
So, you're a drive 60 MPH kind of person, huh? But with a speed limit of 70 MPH on I-295, driving like the world's fastest turtle — at 60-MPH — risks breaking the law.
10. Parking your pet without paying is against the law.
A parking lot attendant overhears two guys talking. One guy says to the other: "That's right, go see for yourself. It actually comes with the trunk in the front."
The parking attendant interrupts. "Sir, you'll have to pay for parking that elephant!"
"What?!" the guy fires back. "I was referring to my Lamborghini."