Austin, TX

10 Weird Laws in Austin

Genius Turner
Given the slogan "Keep Austin Weird," unsurprisingly Austin has some of the weirdest laws.(Scott Beale/Flickr)

Austin, TX — When Austin's Mayor was asked about his experience on the Joe Rogan Experience, Adler answered: "It's Keep Austin Weird. He [Joe] fits in."

Indeed, in a city where there's actually a Museum of the Weird, unsurprisingly you'll find some of the nation's weirdest laws. After all, in Austin — it's illegal to walk around barefooted without obtaining a permit. Ah, but what happens when visiting someone whose doormat says: "No Shoes in the House"?

And so, with that being said, here are ten weird laws in Austin.

1. It's illegal to go to church in disguise.

An usher stops a guy from entering the church. "Sir," he says, "I've seen you before. You're that crooked lawyer from the infomercials! It's illegal to enter here dressed as a fireman."

The lawyer leans in and whispers: "Please forgive me, but I was afraid upon entering I might catch on fire."

2. It's illegal to walk the streets with the intent to flirt.

But feel free to lean out of your car window, while driving, and shout: "Excuse me, Miss. I'm no photographer . . . but I can sure picture us together."

3. It's against the law to own a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

After a Longhorns' game on Sixth Street, some Steve Urkel-looking guy says hello to a cheerleader. She wags her finger at him. "Sorry, nerd, but I only date bad boys."

Urkel smiles while slowly unzipping his jacket. "What time am I picking you up for our first date?" he asks while whipping out a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica. "I know . . . I know — I live on the wild side."
Urkel — who loves carrying around the Encyclopedia Britannica — nowadays is considered a "bad boy."(Vincent van Haaff/Flickr)

4. Dusting with feathers while in public is against the law.

Since when did Mister Chicken Little start passing laws in Austin?

5. It’s illegal to milk another person’s cow without permission.

A butcher spots a stranger milking his cow. "I'm warning you," he shouts, "either get lost or we're gonna have some beef!"

6. It's illegal to tuck your jeans into your boots unless you own more than ten cattle.

What next: it's against the law to tuck your Polo Shirt in your jeans unless someone shouts "Marco" and you answer "Polo"?

7. Eating your neighbor’s garbage, without permission, is illegal.

Since when did Sesame Street relocate to Austin?
Hopefully Oscar the Grouch's new neighbors gave him permission to enjoy this buffet.(Wally Gobetz/Flickr)

8. It's illegal to sit on sidewalks.

But if you're up for sitting on a curb or in the grass — feel free.

9. Selling your eyes is against the law.

When a drunk guy attempted to sell his eyes, the customer warned how difficult it would be.

After several hours of trying to remove his eyes in vain, the exhausted seller finally confessed: "I see what you mean . . . hard to remove eyeballs from their sockets."

10. It's illegal to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

"No worries," a buffalo hunter says while walking up the hotel's stairs. "Third time's the charm, anyhow."

Comments / 4

Published by

My writing is popular in academia (biology, psychology, etc.) and on websites such as Quora (millions of views) and Medium. Also, I'm signed to the same literary agency as Eckhart Tolle. In short, my sole mission in life is to serve my brothers and sisters from all walks of life.

New York City, NY

More from Genius Turner

Comments / 0