Chicago, IL

10 of the Weirdest Laws in Chicago

Genius Turner
Not only is Chicago the "Windy City" but it's also the city with some of the weirdest laws.(julio andres rosario ortiz/Unsplash)

CHICAGO — "Nephew," my uncle Reggie once said, "I've traveled all around the world, but there's no place like Chicago!"

Sure, my uncle won a Super Bowl wearing a Bears' uniform, so it's only natural for him to love the Windy City. Even so, his point is well taken. After all, to know Chicago is to love Chicago. Yet for as much as Uncle Reggie brags about Chicago, he never mentions this:

Chi-Town also tops the list of cities with the weirdest laws.

And so, with that being said, here are ten of the weirdest laws in Chicago.

1. It's illegal to fish in your pajamas within the city limits.

A security guard spots someone in pajamas fishing at the Chicago River. "Hey," the guard barks, "it's illegal to fish in your pajamas!"

The fisherman scratches his head. "So you're telling me I've got fish in my pajamas, man?"

2. It's illegal to throw stink balls.

No wonder the Bears' quarterbacks rarely throw passes nowadays.

3. Misleading movie titles is against the law.

Halfway into The Lord of the Rings, some angry moviegoer storms out. "I demand a refund and . . . and may even press charges!" he shouts at the box office clerk.

"Why, sir?" the clerk kindly asks.

"Because," he says, "I expected to see a movie about Liberace, but this movie's title misled me!"
Liberace — the Lord of the Rings.(

4. Dining in a restaurant that's on fire is against the law.

Ah, perhaps lawmakers misunderstood whoever said Lou Malnati's has pizza "to die for."

5. It's illegal to fly a kite.

Hard to imagine anyone breaking this law in the Windy City. After all, the wind gusts do most of the kite flying.

6. It's illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.

Somewhere Dr. Evil is gesturing with his pinky while mumbling: "Ah, but they never said I couldn't bring Cujo and my pit bull to attend this evening's showing of The Phantom of the Opera."

7. It’s illegal for an unmarried woman to call a bachelor “Mister.”

"Hey, T," the lady says.

"That's Mister T, lady!" an angry Mr. T fires back. "I pity the fool."

She shakes her head. "Sorry, T, but it's against the law to address you as 'Mister'. I'm unmarried."
Mr. T even got furious with Hulk Hogan for refusing to address him as "Mister."(Tom Simpson/Flickr)

8. It’s illegal to fish while seated on a giraffe’s neck.

But feel free to eat fish while . . . seated on a giraffe's neck.

9. Dancing barefoot is illegal.

Aha! But the law never said Chicagoans couldn't dance with "bare feet."

10. Allowing your pet to have poor hygiene is against the law.

Okay, I guess since Wrigley's chewing gum was invented in Chicago, why not invent "Wrigley's Doggie Gum" too?

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My writing is popular in academia (biology, psychology, etc.) and on websites such as Quora (millions of views) and Medium. Also, I'm signed to the same literary agency as Eckhart Tolle. In short, I'm an ordinary guy serving an extraordinary God.

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