Newark, NJ

10 of the Weirdest Laws in Newark

Genius Turner
Not only is Newark the "Brick City" but it's also the city with some of the weirdest laws.(Raoul Droog/Unsplash)

Newark, NJ — "Hollywood is Newark, New Jersey with palm trees," Weegee once said. For this reason, I've always been fascinated by Brick City. Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.

In Newark, it's illegal to buy ice cream after 6 pm . . . unless you have a doctors note. This law left me scratching my head. I couldn't help but wonder: "What's next, a law that prohibits buying ice cream on a Sunday . . . unless it's an ice cream sundae?"

And so, with that being said, here are ten of the weirdest laws in Newark.

1. It's illegal to slurp your soup in public.

"Hey pal," the waiter blurts, "feel free to keep chewing with your mouth open. Heck, you can even keep resting your dirty construction boots on the table." The waiter pauses. "But don't you dare slurp that tomato soup!"

2. Pumping your own gas is against the law.

The next time someone honks while waiting in line at the gas pump, because you've been sitting idly in your car for a half-hour, just say: "I'm waiting for the clerk to pump my gas."

3. It's against the law for birds to poop on statues.

Elmo says: "Hey, Big Bird, don't forget — no going number two on statues while in Newark!"
Big Bird never confuses Newark with Sesame Street.(Sheba_Also/Wikimedia Commons)

4. It's against the law to frown at a police officer.

The next time you're handed that speeding ticket, don't forget to "say cheese!"

5. It's illegal for car dealerships to open on Sundays.

Some security guard catches a car dealer showing a customer around the lot. "Sir . . ." barks the security, "it's illegal for car dealerships to be open on Sundays!"

The sly car dealer grins. "Relax, buddy, this guy and I are just actors rehearsing our lines. The movie's setting is a car dealership."

6. Handcuffs may not be sold to minors.

If you're under 18, you should probably rethink showing up to this year's Halloween party dressed as an officer.

7. In hopes of “fostering kindness” in the citizens of NJ, the month of May is designated “Kindness Awareness Month."

If you're munching on Reese's peanut butter cups in May, and some stranger randomly asks for a piece, remember: it's illegal to say "no." Especially if the guy's named Reese. After all, there's an apostrophe on the candy (Reese's).

And so, technically, those peanut butter cups belong to Reese!

8. It's illegal for automobiles to pass horse-drawn carriages on the street.

If you've ever driven behind a slow-moving horse carriage on the street, you'll find yourself wondering why an engine's power is called "horsepower."

9. If it's an emergency, one must yield a phone line.

At the supermarket, some guy taps you on the shoulder. "Excuse me," he says, "the ole wife sent me shopping." He heaves a sign. "Too bad I forgot my phone, which has the list. So hand over your iPhone, and make it fast . . . it's an emergency!"

10. A man knitting during the fishing season is against the law.

As I type this, some wise guy is knitting a warning sign at Newark Bay that reads: "A man knitting during the fishing season is against the law."

Comments / 8

Published by

My writing is popular in academia (biology, psychology, etc.) and on websites such as Quora (millions of views) and Medium. Also, I'm signed to the same literary agency as Eckhart Tolle. In short, my sole mission in life is to serve my brothers and sisters from all walks of life.

New York City, NY

More from Genius Turner

Comments / 0