Columbus, OH — Like many football fans, I've always wanted to attend a Buckeyes home game. After all, The Horseshoe is the most iconic stadium in college football. Before visiting any new city, however, I usually familiarize myself with its basic laws.
In Columbus, it's illegal to drive past another car "without honking your horn first." This law left me scratching my head. After all, as a New Yorker, it's common to see bumper stickers such as — "Don't Honk, Unless You Want Me to Drive Slower!"
And so, with that being said, here are ten of the weirdest laws in Columbus.
1. It’s illegal to sell Corn Flakes on Sunday.
Let me guess: Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam and every other corn flakes' competitor is responsible for making this law?
2. It's against the law to mistreat anything of great importance.
Somewhere Kanye West is rubbing his hands while saying, "I'm about to hold a press conference and announce to the world — I'm moving to Columbus!"
3. Whoever loses their pet tiger must notify the authorities within one hour.
As if the second his pet tiger goes missing, the owner will remember to set the timer for 60 minutes.
4. It's illegal for women to wear patent leather shoes in public.
Imagine if just before the show starts at the Ohio Theatre, the host storms on stage. "Ladies and gentlemen . . ." he announces, "I'm sorry, but the tap-dancing part of this evening's show is canceled. Apparently it's against the law for 60 percent of our cast to wear their patent leather tap shoes."
5. Unless you have a license, it's illegal to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church.
No wonder church-goers around Columbus are always fanning away houseflies.
6. Participating in a duel is against the law.
What happens if, say, at a Halloween party two guys in costume duel in a fencing match?
7. Fishing for whales on Sunday is against the law.
"Hey," one farmer says to another. "I'm a bit lost and thirsty. Do you know where I can find some wells with clean drinking water?"
The other farmer shakes his head. "Sorry, pal, but fishing around for whales on Sunday is against the law."
8. It's illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
Any guy who reports this to the authorities risks having five angry female officers being dispatched to his house.
9. It's against the law to have a bathtub in a private home.
What about having a mere "tub," then, minus the bath part? Or, better yet, how does a "shower-tub" sound? After all, most people take showers nowadays.
10. It's illegal to get a fish drunk.
Unless it's a mermaid.