Living Apart Together: Another Way To Find Love And Happiness In A Relationship

Franzi Kinzel

It was a warm summer day. She could feel the last warm sun rays glowing on her skin before the moon would rise in all its fullness. He was holding her hand and smiled.

They walked over green hills, passing by creeks and apple trees. He picked a flower, put a hair strain out of her face and placed the flower in her hair. They laughed and continued to walk for a few more steps along the creek.

Where the creek was turning left, they said goodbye. He kissed her and turned right to a little wooden hut with yellow mustard windows, while she walked a bit further along the creek before she turned right herself and stopped in front of a little wooden cabin grown over with vines and moss.
Photo by Henry Bauer on Pexels

This is my idea of an ideal living situation with a partner. A property with land — ideally a little community with like-minded people who can all have a little spot to build a hut or put a van or tent up. My partner and I can both have a small hut or cabin both for ourselves. No compromises, no little annoyances that might kill the romance and end in resentment for the other partner. Time for ourselves, so that we are able to show up with enough energy to be there for the other person without projecting too much on the other.

I am more of an introverted person and need time for myself to be creative and become friends with my own demons without putting this task on someone else. The more time I spend alone, the more I get excited to see my partner, to talk to him, to enjoy my time fully with him, the less I take him for granted.

Different ideas about interior designs, the use of specific items or areas don’t have to merge into one where both people have to give up parts of their individual dreams. Instead, both partners can build a world where individual dreams get nourished and they can create new dreams together.

Some people might think this is unromantic or a relationship is not a real relationship if you don’t live together. That you can’t love each other truly. For me, it actually means I appreciate my partner’s world more. I let him live out his own inner world that he can freely express in his own house. When he invites me over I can be part of it, grateful to be allowed deep into his world.

When I go back to my place I can feel truly authentic to myself. There is no feeling of losing ourselves in the relationship. There is no feeling of giving up something to become a we. Instead, we expand our own individual worlds into a huge we-world, where we connect and nurture each other. Every day learning something about the other person. Every day being excited and feeling grateful to be part of the other person’s world.

I have lived with several partners in my life and every single time it ended up being too much and we created feelings of resentment towards each other, not appreciating each other enough anymore. Just living next to each other instead of with each other. It was hurtful.

Maybe it would have worked out if we would have given each other more individual space in the shared places — maybe a room each that was only used by one of the partners and was just theirs. Maybe we were just not meant to be, whatever that means. However, living together in one small place sharing everything surely made it end quicker.

Franzi is a fine art land- and seascape photographer and writer. Follow her to learn more about art, travel, womanhood and everything nature related.

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Franzi Kinzel is a fine art land- and seascape photographer and writer. She combines her passion for photography, words and nature through stories that focus on environmental topics. She also writes about womanhood, art and travel.

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