Opinion: My crush cares for me, but she is not ready to accept that.

Feting Blue

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.

This is an essay about the thoughts I have when I see my crush. When she is around me, I am always happy. She is my best friend. I have known her since we were kids, and she is the only person that makes me feel good. We have been through a lot together, and I know she cares about me, but it's hard for her to accept that.

I always try to remind myself how happy she made me with one of her smiles or how she was there when nobody else cared enough to listen when things were rough, and I couldn't find anyone else that cared. But it's never enough when I want more than anything to hold her in my arms and call her mine.

I've always hoped that one day she'd tell me she loves me and that I'm more than just a friend to her. I always get so excited when she looks at me in a way that tells me she is falling in love with me too, but every time it turns out to be just another dream. She doesn't see what we have is something special, and she doesn't want to admit to herself how much we need each other.

Analyzing my feelings in this situation

I feel very happy when I am with my crush because she always makes me feel good and achieves my goals. I also think that she is a nice and loyal person who will always be there for her friends. Sometimes we may fight, but I always find the answer in her eyes because she cares about me more than anyone else.

Analyzing my emotions

I feel so sad when I consider the possibility that I may never be able to tell her how much I love her and that she will never give me a chance. Sometimes I feel angry because she doesn't understand me, and sometimes I try to make excuses for her because maybe she doesn't want to hurt me.

Well, it's very hard to understand what she wants. And is it not that easy to explain this in a way that she wants to understand?

I always try to find the right words to say to her when we are alone because I know she cares about me, and I want her to know how happy she makes me. But sometimes I don't know what to say. The best thing I can do is ask her one question, and if she doesn't answer it properly, then I just keep quiet and smile. What can I do else? Because for me, her friendship matters more than I can tell her that I love her.

However, the main issue remains unresolved. What I would like to know is why does she refuse to admit that we care about each other?

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