I don't know about you, but there's something a little different about Christmas in Florida. Maybe it's all you've known, but let me tell you that it really is something unique. Replace snow with warm weather, and Christmas trees with palm trees and you've got yourself a Florida Christmas. It's very much like the one I grew up with in California, save for one major difference: Florida Man.
And let me tell you, the Florida Man stories around Christmas time are something else. Granted, I've only been here for a year and this will be my second Christmas, but there is a veritable treasure trove of stories that have accumulated long before I arrived in Florida, and I did a nice little deep dive and made a list of my top three favorites as a little early Christmas gift. You're welcome.
1. "Florida man busted for handing out pot ‘because it was Christmas"
When I tell you that I genuinely belly laughed when reading this headline, and the story is hilarious as well. Back in 2019, 67-year-old Richard Ellis Spurrier was arrested for, according to authorities, " handing out marijuana Saturday night 'because it was Christmas'".
L.M.A.O. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that one.
The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office found a whopping 45 grams of marijuana on Spurrier before taking him in.
A jolly holiday, indeed.
2. "Florida man woke to intruder trying to ‘suck toes’ on Christmas Eve, police say"
I don't even know what to say anymore other than the Florida Man stories around Christmas are particularly more wild than usual. I don't want to know the reason why, either. Back in 2020, a Bradenton, Florida man reported to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office that he woke to a stranger "inspecting his toes".
I almost couldn't type that without my fingers spasming.
In a horrible scene that eventually ended in the suspect fleeing out the window, the strange man said he would "suck his toes" after the resident told him he had no money. Unfortunately, after a DNA swab of the victim's toes, the suspect wasn't found. And we all thought getting a lump of coal for Christmas was bad.
3. "Florida Man Goes to Christmas Festival with Giant Sign, Screams 'Santa Isn't Real' for Hours"
Okay, I know this is a totally messed up thing to do at a Christmas Festival with children around, which is why it gets the third spot, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read the headline. I'm so sorry Santa. Give me that lump of coal.
An unidentified Florida Man back in 2018 decided that it would be a great idea to "wave and giant sign and yell about how parents were lying to their children" at the Festival of Lights in Cape Coral. The children in line were fully able to hear the man and see the sign he'd made, which is evident from the video taken by someone at the festival, earning him the title of "real-life" Grinch.
I haven't seen any reports of him since, so let's hope that he's gone. Goodness knows what he'd plan this year!
What was your favorite Florida Man Christmas story? Let me know in the comments!
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