"Florida Woman Gone Wild" stories you might not believe

Evie M.

Stock photoPhoto byJulien L on UnsplashonUnsplash

I can just say one thing about what you're about to read, it's that if I didn't scan the page with my own eyes and see the news articles for myself, there's a high probability I'd think you were bluffing if you told me about them. But no. And that's saying something, because there are some pretty shocking news headlines coming out of Florida. And honestly, I thought I'd seen all the most shocking ones, but here's a few you might not have heard of that might just have you questioning if it's all being made up in some weird, elaborate, national news scheme.

So, let's get to it.

1. "Florida woman charged after violent outburst creates ‘McMess’ at McDonald’s"

Well, it doesn't get any wilder than this, folks. I mean come on. I genuinely feel like "wiling and able to get mad at McDonalds employees for really lame things" should be a prerequisite to be a Florida Woman because my goodness. Why are the wild Florida woman always at McDonalds?

The Polk County Sheriff’s Office released surveillance video from inside a Lakeland McDonald’s, which they said shows 22-year-old Tianis Jones, who stormed into the restaurant after becoming angry about the amount of time her order was taking at the drive-thru.

Despite the cheesy grin in her mugshot, 22-year-old Tianis Jones of Lakeland Florida might think twice before stepping into another Mcdonald's after she was caught on surveillance camera acting a fool after her order took too long for her liking at the Drive-thru. According to Polk County Police, Ms. Polk grew violent and was "hitting a plastic sign and then knocking over several bottles".

Yikes. She didn't create a Mcmess, she was it, baby.

2. "Florida Woman Sues Kraft Heinz Over Velveeta 'Ready' Time"

L.M.A.O. This has to be one of the best headlines I've read in a minute. I'm very glad I'd stopped eating lunch when I read this headline because I might not be here to tell the tale after choking to death when I laughed. Honestly, how is this even real life? And this is recent news from December 2nd of this year. Yikes.

Proud Florida woman Amanda Ramirez has sued snack giant Kraft over her Velveeta taking longer than the promised 3 1/2 minutes on the box saying it's "false and misleading". L.O.L. --- I'm honestly

Florida woman Amanda Ramirez has filed a lawsuit against Kraft Heinz over its Velveeta Shells & Cheese product, alleging that the claim on the packaging of the product that it's “ready in 3 ½ minutes” is “false and misleading.”

L.O.L. I'm honestly not sure whether to be impressed or disturbed by this woman. We'll go with both.

3. "Florida woman drops pants, licks man, dances naked in Waffle House Parking Lot"

If this headline isn't the definition of "Florida woman gone wild" I really don't know what is. Back in 2019, Florida local Freedom Ryder Zobrist took a not so free ride to jail after she was arrested for "undressing, dancing around a Waffle House parking lot, and licking a stranger on the face."

I used to deal Blackjack, seen a lot of folks, and this is the reality of people. People are weird. Freedom was charged with "disorderly conduct, battery and assault." Her name is extremely ironic.

What was your favorite Florida Woman story? Let me know in the comments!

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"Reader beware, you're in for a scare!--R.L. Stine"

Orlando, FL

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