3 insane Florida Woman news stories

Evie M.

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There’s always a lot of talk about Florida Man. And rightfully so. He is the absolute image of what every male in Florida should be. With his mullet whipping in the wind and gas-station sunglasses glinting in the sun, he is the absolute model of the American dream.

But sadly, even though she’s shown up in the news almost as much as her male counterpart, the appreciation for Florida Woman is completely lacking. But that’s why I’m here to share with you my top three favorite Florida Woman" stories (so far).

Let’s get to it.

1.“Florida woman, 28, posed as student to get Instagram followers, police say."

If this isn't the most Florida Woman Florida Woman story you've ever read, then I don’t know what to tell you.

A woman in Miami, Florida named Audrey Nicole Francisquini was arrested after posing as a student at American Senior High School as a 28-year-old woman.

Miami-Dade police say that Audrey was “hungry for more followers on her Instagram page” and “posed as a student and trespassed on a high school campus while classes were in session in order to promote her social media presence, according to the Miami-Dade Schools Police Department.

Records show 28-year-old Audrey Nicole Francisquini went to American Senior High School in Hialeah around 8:30 a.m. on Monday, while students were on campus. She was wearing a backpack, had a skateboard in her hand and was also carrying a painting so that she was able to blend in with students as she entered the campus, police said.” Yikes.

At least she looked young enough to pass. That stands for something. The bounds people will cross for social media fame clearly is almost non-existent.

2. “Car passenger shelled by flying turtle in Mario Kart-like mishap”

Mario-Kart is the funnest game in the world until you get hit in the head with a flying turtle shell in real life. This poor woman. Thank goodness she’s alright.

A 71-year-old Florida woman suffered a nasty shock in April 2021 when a turtle came flying through her car windshield on Florida’s Interstate 95. About the story, the Daytona Beach News-Journal said: “The 71-year-old woman was sitting in the passenger’s seat when the turtle shell came crashing through the windshield, striking her in the head”

Terrifying! Thankfully, her daughter, thinking it was a stone, jumped into action and pulled over, along with another concerned citizen.

The woman suffered superficial wounds to the head, and the turtle also survived with a few scuffs on his shell.

Thank goodness!

3. "Woman accused of smearing bananas on cars at Trump’s club"

Rounding out our list at number three is this beauty of a Florida woman headline. Without getting political, this woman can be an angel or devil to some, but I think we can all agree it’s certainly shocking and very worthy of a Florida Woman list.

For those who haven’t read the story, let’s talk about it, because wow.

Back in 2017, a 48-year-old Palm Beach Florida woman named Kelly Weidman thought it would be an amazing idea to smear bananas on President Donald Trump’s car before his inauguration.

And if that isn’t cringe enough, police reported Kelly also: “ typed a profanity about Trump on a Mar-a-Lago computer and moved outside some ballroom balloons a few hours before Trump was sworn-in Friday. She was confronted by security guards, who called police.”

Well, we cannot say she wasn’t committed to getting her message across. And why did she do all of this? Kelly claimed “no one was paying attention to her claim of being cyber attacked.”

Kelly, maybe stick to Facebook next time instead of earning yourself a misdemeanor trespassing charge.

What Florida Woman story did you enjoy most? Let me know in the comments.

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