I am a Bi Ace Queer Christian, I’m Not Normal

Esther Spurrill Jones

A blue question mark on a pink background.Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I am not normal.

“You can’t be bisexual and asexual. That’s impossible.”

“Bi means two, so bisexuals are attracted to only two genders/sexes.”

“Asexuals never have sex.”

“You’re a woman married to a man. That makes you straight.”

“Christians are homophobic.”

Hi. My name is Esther and I am a bisexual asexual queer Christian. I look like a “normal” boring wife and woman. But I’m really a mess of contradictions.

It took me most of my life to realize that I’m queer. Growing up in a conservative Christian family, I didn’t even know gay people existed for a very long time. Bisexuals and asexuals? Not even on the radar.

I don’t experience sexual attraction. At all. I never have.

I do experience sexual desire and it is very easy to confuse the two. I also experience multiple types of non-sexual attraction such as aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction, so it took me even longer to realize I’m asexual than it did for me to realize that I’m bi.

If I find all this confusing and I’m living it, is it surprising that others are confused?

There are so many misconceptions around bisexuality and asexuality. And then I had to throw Christian in there to really stir the pot.

I wish everyone could accept that you don’t have to understand my identities to accept me. You don’t have to wrap your head around my contradictions to love me. You don’t need to ask me all kinds of questions about my sex life or explain to me like I’m five that asexuals can’t be bisexual, and I’m really biromantic. You don’t need to tell me that Christians can really be a bunch of assholes.

I’m bisexual and asexual. It’s possible.

I’m attracted to more than two genders. I’m still bi.

I have sex. I’m still ace.

I’m a woman married to a man. I’m queer.

I’m a queer Christian.

I am not normal.

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