But it is afterwards if you do this…
One of my high school classmates is a Medium. She isn’t the type that you’d see on television “communicating” with the dead or anything like that. Her predictions are tame too— such as predicting when we’re going to be hitting specific zones in the pandemic.
But one thing she posted recently was something about the slight disconnect that people seem to have with manifesting things in their life.
Self-improvement gurus are quick to be telling us that we can attract the life that we want to lead. However, there are many who push the idea that everything that happens in your life is through your manifestation. Both the good things and the bad things.
It's a terrible way to be thinking for several reasons. But the part I want to focus on in this aspect is the belief that when something bad happens to you it's your fault
Self-improvement gurus are quick to say that their systems are flawless and if bad things are happening to you, you're broken or you're not manifesting properly. That there is something inherently wrong with you and has nothing to do with their course, way of thinking or something else.
As someone who has been in self-improvement for some time, I don't believe this. Not everything is your fault when something bad happens to you. That being said...
It is your fault when you do something like this:
“This isn’t my fault. But it’s the fault of that person.”
There are billions of people living their own lives and have their own different circumstances.
Just because something bad happens to you doesn't mean it's your fault. That is until you get other people involved in it. What once was something that just happened from someone else's manifestation in life has now created a problem. A problem that you are now dragging other people into needlessly.
I understand why we do this though. It’s a common tactic that we learn as children and becomes a more prominent aspect in our adult lives. As kids, we don’t want to get in trouble because that means being punished. This can mean being denied things that bring us joy and pleasure or be placed in uncomfortable situations.
Our brain inherently hates that and so we develop defence mechanisms early on to avoid those things. We mentally coddle ourselves and comfort ourselves. And how that's displayed outwardly is through various mental tactics.
The most well-known ones are shifting blame or coming up with excuses.
We see this all the time with our political leaders, the greatest entrepreneurs, friends and family. Everywhere.
It’s not something that can easily be removed. But it can be worked on over time.
There are tonnes of different tactics you can try out. One that I find helpful is to use these three mental reminders to deter you from shifting blame.
1. Shifting blame provides short-term comfort but creates further conflict.
Not everything is your fault, but in your effort to avoid the sting of pain, you involve someone else into your problem. Even if the problem was something that happened outside of your control, how you responded to it has turned it into a problem you now have to deal with.
All because you didn’t want to feel the sting of a problem and wanted to find some alternative.
2. Shifting blame provides an easy out but destroys relationships.
We can dismiss things as not our problem and point the finger at someone else, but it also shows little disregard to those around us. By shifting the blame — and the responsibility of dealing with the problem — you’re becoming part of the issue.
Think about how that would impact those around you. Maybe you don’t care that much about the group or individual you’re marginalizing in that moment but people change all the time. We all have distinct memories of how others make us feel and it’s not something that’s easily forgotten.
3. Shifting blame removes inhibitions but makes everything after your fault.
Shifting blame creates a mental pathway where we believe that it’s okay for us to be doing this — to behave in a hurtful manner. It slowly removes our former moral compass and ingrains this pattern into our life.
While it can provide great comfort for us, it goes back to what I mentioned above: you become part of the issue.
And as you become part of that issue, it makes everything else you do moving forward your own fault. Your continued insistence that someone else is to blame for something and refusal to take any responsibility is your own fault.
And so long as you are stuck in that mental pathway, things won’t be changing or being solved. You’ll get stuck in your ways.
As much as it can be a part of our way of life to blame others, we are fully capable of breaking out of this cycle. Make some mental reminders that the short-term comfort received from this tactic won’t ease you long-term.
The problems will only get larger the more we deny that things aren’t our problems.
We all have the option to choose how we respond to situations. Put your energy into finding some other solution rather than pointing at someone or something else.